Forgiveness

This morning I was thinking about how I have learned less about the importance of forgiveness from needing to forgive the mistakes of others than I have from needing it for myself and not knowing if I have it.

Most people can likely relate to what I’m saying, but I don’t know how many have experienced it to the degree I have in the past few years. Everybody has hurt somebody and sometimes we can really feel the weight of our decisions. In my quest to know myself and my relationship to the thing most people call God, people have been hurt. Some of them (my decisions) have been huge and unskillfully made. It saddens me sometimes when I see the effects of my mistakes.

In the past few years I have separated from every person I have ever been close to. Intentionally and unintentionally. It has been the most painful process and series of life lessons I have ever been through, but it needed to happen. Many lessons were learned about relationships and how the universe works. Right now I’m very cautiously considering adding new friends to my life and reestablishing some older connections.

I feel like I can do this now because I am interacting with people again through work and it feels like I am releasing bad karma and building up good. Spending too much time alone is not healthy long-term. Not for me anyway. It automatically encourages too much thinking of oneself. And life is about the other, I am convinced of it.

This is the lesson I have learned over the past couple of years of desolate solitude: My life isn’t about me. My life is about my interaction with the rest of reality. Even when I am alone for long periods of time, I cannot escape the fact that my thoughts determine many things, the impact of which is felt not just by me, but everyone I encounter, however briefly. It is absolutely my duty to cultivate a heart of compassion and forgiveness. We all deserve to be treated with respect, understanding and acceptance. And because we all deserve it, cultivating these qualities in myself is the highest calling to which I can aspire in this lifetime.

This is why I am living life the way I have chosen. Being present and aware is the only way to learn the lessons. Whatever life hands me, my  job is to experience it, to learn from that experience, and with that knowledge, make the world a more loving place.

The really wonderful moments of my life often include these moments of insight. As the answers come to me and I am able to put them into practice, I experience moments of true peace and joy. No external thing can produce, describe or compare to this feeling.

I am doing my best to keep it real, which for me means staying aware, understanding myself and my motivations, and honoring the thing that unites us all. I am hoping that having come quite a distance in the process of holding myself accountable for my experience, I am able to have compassion for those who are still not quite able to. Life lessons come at a high price and I don’t blame anyone for being afraid of going there. Ultimately, my hope is that the quality of my relationships going forward will be much higher than it has been in the past.

The only person I will ever really need to forgive is me. Everyone is doing their best. Anyone I perceive as having harmed me in some way is no exception to that. There is nothing to forgive when you really think about it.

As for me, I have made a lot of mistakes, big ones. But I have never really held a desire to intentionally hurt anyone. My life has been way more about wanting to help than hurt. But I’m human and I have made decisions that have harmed others. I wish to be forgiven for those, especially those I have thus far been unable to correct. It’s never too late and I keep my mind and heart open to opportunities that will lead to neutralizing any negative effects of my actions and to spiritual reconciliation with anyone I have ever harmed. It’s not necessary to have all of these people become a part of my day-to-day life again, but it is necessary for the spiritual connections I have to be of the clearest, highest and most positive frequency.

I have been a bit uninspired to write lately. Fatigue from work combined with thinking hard about people and human nature left me more introspective than expressive for a while. Such are the cycles of life. Things have opened for the moment and there are things to share. This moment will give way to the next, which may again be a moment of contemplation and reflection with little expression. Both are equally valuable.

I have much gratitude for what I have gained through life’s difficulties. Insight is an amazing gift. Seeing more, seeing a grander picture. The world is so much bigger and richer coming from the perspective of awareness.

All the things I went looking for, unconditional love, acceptance, kindness, understanding, and compassion, I found them. Inside.

I am blessed.

“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” ~Paulo Coelho (The Alchemist)

“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”  ~Maya Angelou

“I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go ’round and ’round, I really love to watch them roll. No longer riding on the merry-go-round, I just had to let it go.” ~John Lennon

Healing the world with lovingkindness

I find it ironic that the more things I have on my mind, the harder it is to think of something to write about.

Things are changing in the world.  It is palpable.  And I don’t even watch the news.  The only place I see news is on Facebook or Twitter.  Avoiding news and advertising driven media in general has not left me as out of the loop as one might imagine.  I don’t seem to need a lot of details to know what I can do to help in a situation.  If it’s something I can take direct physical action to correct, I do.  If it’s something out of my control, I think positive thoughts around whatever it is, knowing that this is what I am called to do and that by focusing my intent, I put power behind those thoughts.

Marianne Williamson posted this on her Facebook page earlier today: “A revolution of love is sweeping the planet. Fear has material resources, but love has cosmic support. Ultimately, love will prevail because only love is real.”  I believe Marianne speaks the truth.  I probably differ from her on some issues, but fundamentally, I believe her to be someone very much in the know on spiritual matters.

This revolution is happening largely because of websites like Facebook and Twitter and all the blogs people are writing.  It is an amazing time in history because of technology.  These global conversations that weren’t possible ten years ago are changing our world…and speeding things up.

If you would have told me a year ago that I would be on Twitter and find myself truly engaged and caring about the people I am following, I’m not sure I would have believed it.  A year ago I thought Twitter was a toy for people who thought of themselves as the cool kids and I didn’t really want any part of it. I have changed my mind completely.

A few months ago I decided to give my Twitter account a chance and after a couple of weeks, I realized that I had the answer to my life’s question at my disposal.  I have carried around this message of unconditional love and forgiveness that I have wanted to share for years now and thought the only way was by writing a book.  I’m still working on a book, but I am no longer attached to that being the only way to get my point across.

I have tweeted almost 1700 times in less than 6 months.  Probably less than 5 months, actually.  And of those, I’d say 99% of them were really positive, affirming tweets.  Plus, I’m following almost 1200 people and of those I’d say half are doing the same thing I’m doing.  It’s an amazing thing to daily read so many affirmations, mantras, blessings, quotes and bits of really lovely poetry.  It renews my hope in humanity.  I hope the people who read my words are uplifted by them because I have gained so much from what I have been reading.

I feel this shift in consciousness happening and it’s really exciting.  It’s not unlike watching some kind of entertainment event with millions of people who are all there for the same reason.  The enthusiasm is infectious.

Spending the majority of one’s time in the present moment, mindfully aware, makes every day an adventure.

I think the people of the world are weary and are looking for ways to feel better.  As it begins to catch on that meditation and positive thinking produce miracles in people’s lives, there are going to be more and more happy people on this planet.

For some reason, tough times seem to bring out the empathy in a lot of people.  And things have been a little bumpy on the planet recently.  As A Course in Miracles teaches: Anything that is not love is a call for love. I believe the things that have been happening in our world lately, from the natural disasters to the political unrest are a call for love of cosmic proportions.  And I believe and can actually feel that call being answered, by regular people, just like me, who truly want to see every heart be at peace.

Every single good-hearted person who takes a moment to send up a prayer or affirmation for our world makes a difference.  Now is a really good time to be thinking happy thoughts.  We create what we focus on.  We all have much to be grateful for and we need to stick together and save our world.

Blessing the earth and all the creatures on it.

Cheryl

Spiritual alchemy

I spend a fair amount of time thinking about what I would describe as spiritual alchemy.  Meaning the transmutation of one kind of energy into another, the spiritual equivalent of transforming base metals into gold.  To me, this is one of the most valuable and powerful metaphysical skill sets a person can have.  A person who can change their reality by changing their perspective is a person who can accomplish anything, in my opinion.

I am a student of these practices.  I will always be a student.  Even when the time comes that I am teaching others what I know.  I guess that time actually has come, since I am attempting to share my insights through this blog.

Although there is a lot of room for improvement in my ability to quickly shift my perspective to keep my thoughts at the frequency that will bring success, I get glimpses of my own power sometimes that make me eager to continue growing in this direction.

Today was one of those glimpses.

My car is currently parked and not working.  It’ll be fixed in a couple of days and really, if I had to pick a time to have my car out of commission, this is one of the best.  It caused me some distress on Friday because of some things I had to cancel that I didn’t want to, but other than that, there is no need in my immediate future that can’t be accomplished walking or by public transit.

I’m a car person.  I got my first car when I was 16 and have had one ever since.  I think nothing of getting in the car and driving to places that are within walking distance.  It just doesn’t even occur to me to walk.  And yet I know that walking is not only good exercise, but is an amazing way to meditate.

Walking meditation is something I learned from books by Thich Nhat Hanh.  It’s really not different from sitting meditation except that it is moving.  It’s all about being present in the moment and being aware with each step.  Basically it’s acknowledging with every step that you are walking and breathing in the present moment, and doing your best to hold that thought to the exclusion of other thoughts that want to take over the mind, that chatter that many people aren’t even aware is the background of their existence.  The problem with the chatter is that if you slow down long enough to pay attention to it, it can be horrifying to discover the negative self-talk that makes up the majority of the noise in our heads.  So any break from this is for a person’s ultimate good.

The concept of meditation is simple, but its practice requires discipline and an internal fortitude that many find difficult, even those with experience.  I’m totally willing to admit it’s difficult.  It takes a lot of effort for me to focus for more than a few seconds at a time most of the time.  I actually find it easier to meditate while walking because there is a certain level of present moment awareness that is required to keep walking that is not required for sitting meditation.

So knowing what an amazing gift walking is, seems like something I would be doing all the time.  But I haven’t been.  Because of the car…and habit…and being in a rut.  Having one way of doing things and never considering another way.

Earlier today I decided I wanted to cook one of my favorite comfort foods for dinner.  But I was lacking a couple of ingredients.  I could have called someone I suppose, but I didn’t really want to.  After some of my recent walks to and from the repair shop where I took my car, I have been looking forward to walking more.  So I did today.  And it was a pretty magical experience.

As I walked my mind started to wander, but I decided this would be a good time to exercise control over that.  So I just kept bringing my attention back to my breath and my steps.  And the result is that I started to notice everything around me, in very vivid detail.

The world looks very different to a pedestrian than it does to a driver or passenger.  That alone starts the shift in perspective that can bring about a change in attitude that can ultimately lead to a change in reality.  Bring awareness to it and walking turns into an exercise in transformation.

I saw garbage, a pair of gloves and a pot holder on the ground right by my house.  I heard birds over the whooshing of the freeway.  I stopped to look at a community garden and I observed people hurrying to get to super bowl parties.

If I had been driving I wouldn’t have seen any of those things because I would have been one of those people rushing.  And not because I was going to a super bowl party.  I would have because I could.  Walking caused me not to be in a hurry because it was going to take me a while anyway, plus I have no agenda today, so it just didn’t matter.  And the entire trip took less than an hour.

On the walk home I realized that not only am I not trapped, which is how I have been feeling without my car, I am absolutely liberated.  Not having  a working car only stops me to the extent that I refuse to think of other options.  I was limiting myself by thinking of my car as my only transportation and was therefore causing my own misery.  By choosing to walk, I felt empowered in a way I would not have if I would have asked a friend to drive me.  And I realized that I am only stoppable if I let myself be.

When I had the epiphany of my own freedom, it brought a sense of joy that was so lovely.  In that moment I knew that I changed my reality by changing the way I was choosing to look at the situation.  And I knew that if I can continue this practice, there is nothing I can’t accomplish.

So it turns out that having the car break at this time under these circumstances provided me an opportunity that I would not have had if it had broken during a time when I needed to go to work or to an interview or something.  I do have time for this right now.  This is fine, there is nothing wrong in this picture.  That is very different from where I was even a couple of days ago.

And I find it poetic that the thing that brought about this realization was me being forced to deal with the reality of my situation because I wanted my favorite comfort food for dinner.  I found comfort today on so many levels that tonight’s dinner may be the grandest feast I have ever prepared, out of the simplest ingredients.  Both literally and metaphorically.  How lovely is that?

It is my wish to share all the joy I find for myself with the world.

Many blessings.

Cheryl

Does everything happen for a reason?

Today’s post inspiration brought to you by WordPress. Thank you, WordPress.

Asking if everything happens for a reason is one of the most fundamental questions of humankind, in my opinion.  It’s right up there with Why are we here?

What is the alternative to everything happening for a reason?  Is it even possible that things happen for no reason? Could the universe withstand it?

My opinion is everything happens for a reason, but the reasons things happen are largely determined by the individuals to which they appear to be happening.  Or rather, the individual determines what lessons are learned from the things that happen.  Learning lessons helps us move forward on the path to enlightenment, which to me is the ultimate reason.  So, the decision of whether things happen for a reason is up to the individual, who is in complete control over his/her experience in this lifetime.

That is what I believe anyway.

I have a much more personal reason for thinking everything happens for a reason.  One that applies the above statements to my real life.

As I have referred to previously in this blog, my life thus far has consisted of a lot of challenging circumstances.  I have survived child abuse, lost loved ones and good friends, suffered major financial setbacks and been in utter despair over what I perceived to be my failure at life.  But I’m still here and I’m still trying to be a good person.  I haven’t given up hope.

The most difficult rough patch of my adult life has been the past 2 years.  And yet, I am absolutely certain that all is well and that I am succeeding.  I’ve read a lot of quotes that say the measure of a person is how they respond in times of difficulty and challenge, not how they behave when times are easy. I take that to mean that it’s easy to be positive when things are going well, but it is actually work when things are falling apart all around you.

Choosing to live a life of forgiveness, peace and unconditional love is a huge commitment I made to my fellow humans.  I think my life and how I live it is my gift to the Universe or God or whatever you want to call it.  I also consider it my gift to the lovely people I encounter during my time on earth.

But for the events of my life, I would not be the person I am today.  I would not know how strong and resilient I am.  I would not know how capable I am to not only endure my circumstances, but also transcend them and find the beauty in this human experience.  Had my faith not been severely tested in some extremely stressful situations, I would not have the spiritual muscle to bless those who hurt me or who wish me harm.

So, I absolutely believe things happen for a reason.  There can be no question after seeing the things I’ve seen in my lifetime.  To believe otherwise is to choose to believe I am the victim of a force that is capricious and chaotic at best and at worst, evil.

Ultimately, it’s pretty basic.  Believing things happen for a reason brings me comfort, which makes me feel good.  Believing random negative and catastrophic events happen does not bring me comfort, which does not make me feel good.

Don’t even get me started on self-responsibility.

Here’s a syllogism to sum it up: Thinking happy thoughts feels good.  Thinking unhappy thoughts feels bad.  I like to feel good.  Therefore, I must choose the happiest thought I am capable of in any given circumstance.

So I do.

Blessings.

Cheryl

Dirty spirituality

Writing is therapeutic.  Most people who feel compelled to write understand this.  Sharing one’s writing with the world is another matter entirely.  That is why I am challenging myself to post at least two blogs, of any length, each week.

Overall, this blog is meant to be about spirituality and I beleive it is.  However, my approach is less in-your-face advice and instruction as it is observations gleaned from my life and the lives of others.  And it will include both things that uplift and inspire me and things that annoy and peeve me. It is my hope that others with good intentions and lots of questions will benefit from the ways in which I grapple with spiritual stuff.  So with that, here we go:

I’m a happy girl.  Anyone who knows me well enough to actually get me knows this.  Those who know me well also know that I am intimately acquainted with my dark side.  In my case, the light always wins, but the darkness demands its day in court.  Rightfully so in my opinion.

Something I have noticed lo these many weeks of using Twitter is that many of the people I consider positive or spiritual tweeters never post anything personal or neutral, let alone negative.  There is a part of me that agrees with this because I believe it is in my best interest to spend as much time thinking positively as I can.  However, for me, darkness needs to be acknowledged before it can be released.

The question might be: Must I acknowledge my darkness publicly?  One could argue that if I want people to pay attention to the positive message I wish to promote, that I need to push only that message.  That’s the thing, I feel like I’m doing that.  We all walk a unique spiritual path and mine includes revealing how very real and human a person can be at the same time as being spiritual and wildly idealistic from the world’s perspective.

Sometimes I feel like I see a bigger picture than many people.  Of course the people I encounter most frequently are normal people getting through the day-to-day grind of living on this planet at this time in history.  Although I comfort myself frequently with their books, I don’t hang out with people like Wayne Dyer and Louise Hay.  Not that I wouldn’t, it would be a privilege to call either of them a personal friend.  My point is, I live in the world of people who struggle.  And for me, struggle is the process of reconciling the darkness with the light I know deep down is there.

That is not to suggest that people who succeed in the world of self-help and spirituality do not struggle.  Everyone has moments when things don’t make sense and it is necessary to dig deep to find the knowing place.  I am suggesting that it might not be as much work to get to that place if some of the basics like financial security and stability are present.

That said, I don’t think people with few resources and little stability need to worry.  Worry helps nothing, ever.  All it does is add fear to whatever one is already dealing with.  However, opportunities to worry do seem to present themselves more frequently to people who are faced with things like job loss, health concerns and financial challenges.  And I am here to acknowledge that it takes self-discipline to stay positive in the face of these things.

I believe every struggle is a spiritual struggle.  I also think people are encouraged when they find out they are not alone when they are teetering at the edge of the pit of despair.

This is why I write about the days when I feel less than motivated spiritually or when I discover some way that I have been undermining my own success.  I write to bring awareness to the things that threaten to trip me up on my spiritual path, to encourage my fellow humans and to call out my demons.  Experience has taught me that demons respond to being called by name.

Today’s issue is a form of self-imposed martyrdom from which I am trying to break free.  If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to stop being so hard on myself…well, let’s just say I would be very excited to have that money.

Recently this martyrdom scenario played out with me being annoyed at a friend for criticizing me constantly.  I’ll be honest, this person drives me nuts sometimes.  He regularly points out things about me…for my own good.  But it doesn’t feel like it’s for my good, it feels like it’s for the satisfaction of his ego.  I don’t think I’m wrong about that, but recently, in the middle of writing a long e-mail rant telling said friend how much his behavior bothers me, the inner voice chimed in.

It actually happened in the form of an argument with myself in my head that went something like this:

Me: I get so tired of being criticized by the people who call themselves my friends.  I have been having this experience over and over my entire life.  Why do I keep attracting people who are so critical?  And why do I seem to attract people who are critical of others (me) while largely remaining silent about their own shortcomings?

Inner voice: Why should you expect to attract anything other than people who criticize when you criticize yourself so mercilessly? Remember, people are mirrors.

And that is the thing with the inner voice of wisdom.  Whenever I start to really whine, it can shut me up with a sentence or two. The inner voice is great, but it does tend to ruin a carefully planned pity party.

So, I abandoned the e-mail rant and decided to deal with my issue.  Now I am examining how I set people up to criticize me and asking myself what I’m getting from this.  I’ll get back to you when I have figured it out.

I feel like I need to jump to the ultimate point of this post.  Our experiences in life are a direct reflection of how we think about ourselves.  I feel criticized because I am self-critical.  This is why I believe it’s important to gain mastery over the mind.

Another example of this self-fulfilling prophetic thinking is how I spent a good deal of my life thinking of myself as a person who struggles and overcomes obstacles, which actually doesn’t sound bad on the surface.  In fact, I have overcome many obstacles and achieved more than I might have if I hadn’t held that thought.  However, as I mature spiritually, I realize that continuing to think of myself that way is only going to bring more struggle and obstacles to overcome.

These realizations about struggle, difficulties and critical people are the reason I am working with affirmations…and writing this blog.  If I tell others that they are beautiful, perfect, glorious beings while thinking differently of myself, how can I expect anyone to believe me?  One of my main goals is to help people see their beauty and experience love and self-forgiveness.  It seems important to include myself in the process.

I often say that I never meet people who need help seeing their flaws, but I have met many who need help seeing their beauty.  That also applies to me.  So if people really want to help me, saying something uplifting and positive would be a great way to do that.  Or even just stop criticizing.  I’m trying to stop beating myself up, I’m not looking for someone to do it for me.

Spirituality, like childbirth, is a messy process, but worth the effort.  We should help each other give birth to the best that is in each one of us.

Cheryl

As above, so below

 

This feels like a blog I can post if I can just stay with it long enough to get this thought out of my head and onto this page.

Starting a new blog is work.  Being obsessive about one’s writing makes it even more work.  Admittedly, I also have some personal characteristics that make focusing a challenge at times.  Still, I want this blog to be a positive experience, so I feel like I need to be a bit more specific about its purpose.

I want my writing to be based in spirituality and be about how to make the world healthier, happier and more kind.  What I’m finding is that I like writing about mundane details of day-to-day living.  But as I realized just this morning, therein lies my spirituality.  My whole existence is based on desire and intent to be fully present and have as much control over my mind as possible so, to the best of my ability, I will be able to bring only good to my experiences.  And what I have figured out so far is, it is not always clear on the surface how to do that.

How do we bring only good to life?  If it is even possible, is it too lofty a goal for a regular person just wishing to live a peaceful existence?  Questions like these make my life seem like some sort of cosmic social scientific experiment.

Which brings me to my blog’s purpose, as I understand it today.  This blog needs to be about seeing the spiritual big picture in the most mundane moments of life.  Because it’s always there.  To see it is a skill that develops with practice and is the source of the ability to think positively…or faith as it is also called.  While there is always opportunity for improvement, I see continuous progress in my life and I often feel a strong, spiritual force with me that helps me see things from many perspectives.

The idea to make this blog about the spiritual questions I encounter daily arises from some things that are happening in my world that make me have to think through, refine and clarify my beliefs.  Not in a dark, heavy way, but more of a quick run through my spiritual filter to check for inconsistencies.  I will write about those as they come up, so there should never be a shortage of topics.

I believe life is a series of questions for each of us to answer, with the composite of those answers being the foundation of our individual belief systems.  The questions do not always seem big on the surface, but that is one of the ways we are deceived by appearances.  Because things as small as asking yourself why it matters what kinds of household cleansers to use can seem unimportant, but when a billion people fail to ask that question, the earth suffers.

Peace and balance are what I seek for myself.  Remaining open to as many ways of seeing things as possible and staying ever present and aware are the tools I use to maintain equanimity.

I look forward to sharing my thoughts as life sends me the questions.

Cheryl

“Life is a mathematical equation…work it out on paper…keep a journal.” ~Me