Though I am getting better every day, sometimes it is so clear to me that I can be my own worst enemy. This is behavior I seek to be aware of so I can change it. It’s getting easier to see when I’m doing it at least. That’s helpful.
The thing to remember is that nothing outside of this moment really exists. Now is the only time that is ever real. Before we’ve had time to analyze a situation and declare it good or bad. The moment the information arrives. The past has our spin on what we remember and the future has our projections. The reason life goes the direction it is going is directly connected to the declarations we make about events of the past. That has been my experience anyway. The more aware I become, the easier it is to see the connection.
So it seems to me that being fully present in the moment as much as possible, relieving oneself of the burdens of the past gives us the power to influence the future. The less time we spend reliving the past, the faster we will achieve our dreams.
That is one of the reasons I have been laying down some of my burdens in this blog. It’s been therapeutic and I have seen a lot of positive change in my life as a result. As I move forward, I am trying to make a solid commitment to writing no matter what kind of mood I’m in. I need to stop worrying so much about alienating people. This is my story. There is no wrong way for me to tell it as long as I am kind and gentle about it. It’s taken me a lot of work to cultivate my current mindset. If there is one thing I can trust about myself, it’s my ability to communicate a message lovingly and with as little judgment as possible.
My goal is to continue to see when I am treating myself poorly and correct that when it happens. Even when I make a bad decision, the moment that decision is made, it’s in the past. Worrying and beating myself up for it is not helpful. Being in the now means working with the information I have at any given time without adding anything to it. If I look at things dispassionately as cause and effect, it should be easier to identify what’s not working and correct it. The only time the truth is hard to face is when we attach to the facts emotions which may or may not be relevant.
I am ready to be honest with myself about some things. Not sure how much of it will end up in this blog, but it’s time to put a few more things to rest. The past is over, none of that can hurt me anymore if I choose to look at it with mindful awareness and let it go. From here on out, if I am hurting, I need to look at myself and find out what kinds of lies I am telling myself that are making me feel badly about myself. Nothing can hurt me without my permission. I choose what hurts me and what doesn’t. If I made the rule I can break it. (Note: I’m not feeling hurt or anything right now, this is just a general insight and knowledge of the power of choice.)
I think it’s a good idea to ask oneself regularly What am I doing and why am I doing it? Any behavior you want to get rid of will eventually give way to those two questions. I break habits all the time with this thinking. I have a tremendous amount of will power and I am a very determined person. As I grow in awareness I will increase my ability to influence my future in the direction I wish for it to unfold. The more I trust my gut the less work my brain has to do. I can trust my intuition to lead me correctly because I know where my heart is at. I don’t have to fret and fuss trying to figure things out. I know I am guided by a higher intelligence that, when welcomed, rains down blessings upon us all.
It is possible to stop being your own worst enemy. When you bring awareness to your life you take control of your destiny. It’s a process, but one that’s worth the effort.
Sometimes it seems like this entire experience on earth is between me and God and nobody else. And I suppose on some level that is true. It really does bring a sense of peace when I realize the only one I can ever need to apologize to is God and that is to say, my own higher nature. I’m the only one I really have to deal with in this lifetime. This is good news because I am a challenge. I take up a lot of my energy.
Learning how to make myself feel better about things is the greatest skill I have cultivated in the past few years. I spent so much of my life worried and anxious and now I am free. All it took was awareness and a willingness to see the bigger picture. Life is never as complicated as we try to make it. This is very comforting for me when I am sorting through the mind garbage and deciding what to throw out.
And I must remember, there are angels who love to help. Angels see us as we truly are and they love the beauty they find in us. I have definitely felt the presence of angels in my life, though I couldn’t prove their existence in a court of law. More and more they feel like my companions on this journey. The more easily I remember that, the more peace I have in my life.
All of this is unfolding as it should.
