Things are looking up

I’m feeling pretty thankful tonight. Something has finally shifted in my romantic life. Not a huge shift, but there is movement and that is progress I haven’t felt in a while.

Just over 2 years ago my heart was broken by a person I had spent 3.5 years of my life with in the closest, most intimate relationship I had ever been in. I was left wondering and still wonder at times what happened. He has never explained and has never spoken to me again despite my attempts to find closure so I could move on with my life.

Before I even had a chance to get over that one I met someone I felt like I had spent many lifetimes with and though our relationship remained platonic, I found myself in love with this person. It’s been a year since I last saw him and he also left me with a lot of questions about what happened and why he disappeared so suddenly.

These two relationships destroyed my self-confidence and I have spent most of the last two years trying to feel okay again.

The shift started at the new job. There is a guy there who is nerdy and adorable and I like him. Doesn’t matter if anything ever comes of it, the fact that I have a little crush is huge for me. It just doesn’t happen that often. I don’t connect with people that easily, but I definitely feel an attraction to this cute guy at my job. This makes me so happy.

I don’t know if finding someone cute opened my mind to possibilities, but just today I was contacted by three cute guys over the online dating site. One of them is more than just cute, he’s gorgeous…14 years younger than me…and I don’t even care! Normally I would rule him out immediately because of his age, but when I saw his pictures my age cut off went straight out the window.

I feel so happy and grateful that this area of my life is moving again. I have felt stuck for so long and I started to worry that I was going to spend the rest of my life pining over my friend. I miss him, but now I know I can move on. I’m so relieved I can’t even adequately express it.

Life feels a little sparkly and magical right now. I plan to enjoy this fully.

Land of the abandoned blogs

The alternate title of this post is Drafts: Where my blogs go to die.

I’m going to make this short and sweet.  Otherwise I’ll never post it.  It’s unlikely I’ll even edit it for fear of never finishing.

I need a muse.  Or something.  Some kind of inspirational help from somewhere.  Angels, where are you?

My draft folder, on just this blog site alone, contains more items than I have actual posted blogs. Many times more.

Here’s the whiny part:

It’s not fair.  The culprit is some evil combination of procrastination, ADHD and low self-esteem.  The Bermuda Triangle of the unemployed.  Hmm…that actually sounds like the force that motivates people to go to law school.  Must explore this idea in a future [draft] blog.

I’m thinking this should be a quantum physics blog because it is pure potentiality. Maybe if I had an objective observer one of these waves of thought would snap into actual words on a page.

As a writer I am not entirely without talent, this is just ridiculous.

My goal for this week is to finish even one of the mountain of draft posts in the folder.

And to be fair to my inner author, this malaise is not limited to writing.  A friend just told me that she has been editing for 6 hours straight already today.  To which I replied, “I put in a load of laundry and I’m thinking about recycling a box.”  Each according to his abilities I guess.

That’s the rant, now I’m going to recycle the box, get my laundry out of the dryer and finish a draft blog!  What choice do I really have?  I’ve already been to law school.

KarunaMettaCAT