Keeping the faith…it’s here somewhere

Last night I wrote a post about faith and willingness. This morning I feel like I need to follow that up and explain a little about how faith works in my life.

I am not one of those people who goes through life with rock solid faith. Faith for me is a process that must be worked at constantly. Because of the way it works in my life, I have always been curious about those people who seem to be able to exercise their faith unwaveringly in the darkest moments. I am not sure if those people actually have the same kinds of struggles and doubts that I and many other people seem to experience. If they do, they sure aren’t telling anyone.

There’s no right or wrong way to have faith. And maybe the difference between me and people whose faith seems so readily available to them is one of organization. Maybe it’s like the person with the neat and tidy desk who, when asked for something, finds it effortlessly in their beautiful and pristine workspace. My faith is under one of the many piles of very important stuff on my spiritual desk. It’s there and I can find it, it’s just gonna take me a minute…and it might have a coffee cup ring on it

Those who know me know I aspire to be a spiritual guru of sorts. Not because I think I have all the answers. Each person has the answers to their own questions, I just want to help people look. Kinda like when you lose your car keys. I want to be the person who reminds you to look in the pocket of the pants you wore yesterday, not the one who points out that if you had a better system and were more organized you wouldn’t have these issues. I’m not sure where in the world of spiritual gurus there is room for one such as me, but I hope to find my place.

Perhaps someday I will be one of those people who never seems to struggle and can use my spiritual tools proactively to create a beautiful stress-free life for myself and my family. Until then, I’ll be writing about my miracles as I recognize them, often in retrospect, and looking for my faith…the way I look for my glasses when I am already wearing them.

 

 

Another online dating rant

I’ll try to keep this short. Can’t promise sweet, but I’ll do my best.

I have been using an online dating site again. It’s a free one and I reactivated my profile after taking a few months off.

There are very few on the site that I find attractive. I’ve read some great profiles and definitely found some people I could be friends with, but nobody has caught my eye in a romantic sense. Maybe I’m thinking it will be like the opera singer, I’ll look at a picture and see my future unfold in the person’s eyes. I’m pretty sure what happened there was a once in a lifetime kinda thing though. Nothing even close has happened to me before or since. At least not from a photo.

Browsing through the ads today I felt an annoyance that has been nagging at me for a few days. There are some really self-defeating profiles out there. I’m amazed at what I read sometimes. It makes me wonder if these people are even aware of themselves at all.

Now I’m just being snarky, but I have a little list of the things that turn me off most when I read them in an online personals profile (and my responses to them):

• “I have a child and they are: my everything, my entire world, my number one priority…” or any of the other descriptions that attempt to convince the reader this person is a GOOD dad. It’s ridiculous. We all feel that way about our kids. It goes without saying. And saying it just makes you sound like a dork. If someone wrote that their kids are amazing and fabulous and the coolest people they ever met, that I could respect. The other is trite. 
• Young at heart. Just say it, you’re old or you feel old or you feel like other people think you’re old. You don’t see young people claiming to be old-at-heart. Just sayin’…
• Friends, maybe more later or Possible marriage and children… Eeeww. Why do you think you need to dangle that carrot? And what kind of woman is desperate enough to think that’s charming? From my experience, the guys who say this are pretty poor marriage material, but think because they are male they are sought after. Yuck.
• Lists of obscure or esoteric books, authors or musicians. Does anything scream Please think I’m cool worse than this? It’s icky. Everybody likes good literature and music, it’s just that everyone has a different definition of good. Leave it alone. Again, this makes you sound like a dork.
• Bragging about having a sarcastic sense of humor. Why is this something to be proud of? Sarcasm is the most useless, mean spirited form of humor that is sorely lacking in creativity and depth. Make people laugh without resorting to character assassination and I’ll think you’re pretty awesome.
• Being non-responsive when someone communicates with you. Seriously, get over yourself. Why are you even on this site to begin with? Take it as a compliment for crying out loud.
• Saying you’re open to friends when you really aren’t. This also applies to the previous point. Some of these guys are suffering from Hotness Delusion Syndrome–check it out, it’s a real issue.
• Hipsters–most people know my opinion about this.
• Burners–There are no words…

This is really only an issue today because I’m in a grumpy mood. I’m being hard on myself for something I did and it’s ridiculous and I need to stop. When I’m mad at myself, the whole world suffers.

I’m just ready to meet someone nice and be excited to spend time with him. Even some new friends would be great, but I really want to just find someone beautiful and perfect and fall crazy in love.

I know he’s out there. And he’s looking for me too. And he’s wondering why people write such stupid things in their profiles and he’s wondering if there is anyone else on earth who gets it.

Paranoid

I’m laughing at myself right now because I posted a blog about equanimity earlier today and now I find my peace all disturbed over something pretty insignificant…in the big scheme of things anyway.

I am house/dog sitting again and the friends I do this for left me a note reminding me to use coasters because they found a water ring on one of their tables.  It’s not that it’s not possible I did it, but the likelihood of my having left a glass on a table with no coaster is so slim that this freaks me out a little bit.  Do they really think it was me?  I don’t even eat or drink outside of the kitchen normally and I am fanatical about coasters, even at my own house, where the tables aren’t even worth fussing over.

This has made me consider going home and just coming over every day staying the day, walking the dog and then going home each evening.  Fussy people aren’t usually a problem for me because I am more fussy and conscientious than just about anyone I know, especially when it comes to taking care of other people’s stuff.  I will be hard pressed to be more careful than I already am though. When I house sit, I spend the 24 hours prior to my departure cleaning and disinfecting as if I were going to perform surgery.

So now, even though I have been dog sitting for these people several times a year for the past 4 years, I’m all paranoid that I am going to leave something out of place and they are going to notice it and be upset.  These people are lawyers and I know how lawyers can be.  They notice everything.  But I’m cut from the same cloth, so I’m having a hard time thinking I would have done something so careless as to leave a drink on a table without a coaster.

I’m sure I’ll calm down after dinner and it will all be fine in time to watch American Idol.  I hope.

Never said I wasn’t neurotic.