Our daily bread

The past week has been amazing. A phone call yesterday resulted in my return to the world of the fully employed. I am so grateful.

Life is shaping me into a person of strong faith and it’s an amazing thing to watch. Seeing beauty emerge from one’s own suffering is the true gift of perseverance. It’s about remaining present no matter what arises. That is the hardest obstacle we face as humans, experiencing life’s harshness without turning away. Looking straight into the eyes of the enemy and refusing to back down. And the thing is, I have finally figured out how to do this while having compassion for myself. I am finally starting to believe that I am as worthy of having good things as anyone I would wish them for. That’s a big lesson for me. To finally see the end of needing to constantly punish myself for who knows what and walking around feeling like a monumental failure. I think I’m done with it, at least for now.

In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus teaches us to request what we need daily, which I believe means constantly throughout the day. But Jesus doesn’t teach us to seek assurance beyond the now. He says: Give us THIS day our daily bread. Not next week’s bread or ten years’ from now. Seek what you need in any given moment, knowing the moment is constantly changing.

When I look back over the past couple of months of job searching, I see that part of the daily bread was a trail of crumbs to help me find my way on the path.

A couple of weeks ago I had an interview, but until yesterday had heard nothing. Because it was my most concrete potential for a job, I was starting to worry more with each passing day. But the one thing I did differently this time is that I allowed the worry to flow through me rather than trying to fight or correct it. Whenever I would worry I would also turn the burden over to God because worry is not a productive part of receiving. Each time I did this I immediately received a sign that things were going the right direction and would be fine.

I went to sleep saying affirmations a couple of nights ago, both in my mind and whispered aloud. I affirmed that God supplies me unfailingly and that the next day I would receive a phone call with a job offer. That is precisely what happened.

Sometimes I can feel that my words have power. This is one of those times.

If God is throwing you crumbs when you asked for an entire loaf, consider that the crumbs may be the trail that leads you where you need to go.

There comes a point

Sometimes I am wholly uninspired to write. Every thought I have seems trite and ridiculous. And yet, I committed to posting in this blog weekly and I need to honor that commitment.

So here I am. And here’s what’s going on.

I have a job interview tomorrow, which is very good. I need to be earning money. I’m looking forward to it and have a good feeling. Job interviews are fun for me. I’m weird that way. I like people and talking to people that much.

One of my Facebook friends likes baseball a lot. And though I do not share enthusiasm for it, I find it adorable when anyone likes anything so much that they excitedly share it with the world. So that’s been making me smile lately.

The other thing on my mind tonight is a bit of sadness over the death of Steve Jobs. He was an amazing person who changed the world through innovation and technology. He positively impacted many lives. He will be missed.

So…there comes a point when I have to post something for the sake of posting. I’m there.

Hope, love, peace, happiness, and gratitude are mine tonight. Wishing the same for all.

I’ll be back with more after the interview.

Temptation

“What I think is that a good life is one hero journey after another. Over and over again, you are called to the realm of adventure, you are called to new horizons. Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then, if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There’s always the possibility of a fiasco. But there’s also the possibility of bliss.” ~Joseph Campbell ♥

Today I found out that my short-term job has become even shorter term and will terminate at the end of this month, three weeks from today. It was unexpected, but I’m sorting through my feelings about it.

When I first learned this news and for a while after I got home tonight, I felt stressed and pretty awful. My mind immediately went into panic mode trying to think of all the things that need to happen right away. Find a new job, get dental and medical appointments done while we still have insurance and brace myself for tough times ahead.

Wait a minute…brace myself for tough times? Why? The only reason I would worry now about things that haven’t happened yet and may never happen is that I have made an assumption that there is definitely something to worry about. Somehow I decided that there are no jobs out there and that nobody will want to hire me anyway. Way to create the future with my thoughts.

It occurred to me this evening that it is just as easy to choose to feel happy and open and welcoming of whatever the universe has in store for me next. This most recent job was a great experience in which I met some very dear people. It allowed me to pay my expenses for the past couple of months and was fun and rewarding. Blessings all around. Why should the next experience be any different?

I fell into an ego trap today. I listened, however briefly, to that mean little voice inside that whispers: You are not good enough and you never will be. That oddly familiar angst, so tempting in its predictability. It’s easy to slip into feeling badly…if you’ve done enough of it. It’s intentionally deciding not to that takes effort.

Change is hard sometimes.

“Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.” ~Proverb

Ya know?

It is my intention to be happy for the closing of one chapter of my life so that a new one may open. May all the magic and power of the universe come together to bring new blessings in the form of new people and experiences. My heart is open. I am ready. And I am grateful.

My choice is to joyously welcome all the good that is coming to me, not be angst ridden and fearful over the calamity I have conjured up in my mind. If I’m going to create things with my mind, why not create light, joyous, beautiful things? It’s my choice, it’s my mind, I am the one in control of this experience.

The world does not need more thoughts of lack and worry and uncertainty. By choosing to think happy thoughts, I am contributing to the good energy that is going to improve things for everyone. We all contribute every day. How often do we stop and consider where we’re putting our energy?

Time for another transition.

Those who embrace change free themselves from the bondage of the ego, which tries to convince us that the unknown is scary. Only if we declare it so.

Impermanence is a beautiful thing. Where would we be without it?