The past week has been amazing. A phone call yesterday resulted in my return to the world of the fully employed. I am so grateful.
Life is shaping me into a person of strong faith and it’s an amazing thing to watch. Seeing beauty emerge from one’s own suffering is the true gift of perseverance. It’s about remaining present no matter what arises. That is the hardest obstacle we face as humans, experiencing life’s harshness without turning away. Looking straight into the eyes of the enemy and refusing to back down. And the thing is, I have finally figured out how to do this while having compassion for myself. I am finally starting to believe that I am as worthy of having good things as anyone I would wish them for. That’s a big lesson for me. To finally see the end of needing to constantly punish myself for who knows what and walking around feeling like a monumental failure. I think I’m done with it, at least for now.
In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus teaches us to request what we need daily, which I believe means constantly throughout the day. But Jesus doesn’t teach us to seek assurance beyond the now. He says: Give us THIS day our daily bread. Not next week’s bread or ten years’ from now. Seek what you need in any given moment, knowing the moment is constantly changing.
When I look back over the past couple of months of job searching, I see that part of the daily bread was a trail of crumbs to help me find my way on the path.
A couple of weeks ago I had an interview, but until yesterday had heard nothing. Because it was my most concrete potential for a job, I was starting to worry more with each passing day. But the one thing I did differently this time is that I allowed the worry to flow through me rather than trying to fight or correct it. Whenever I would worry I would also turn the burden over to God because worry is not a productive part of receiving. Each time I did this I immediately received a sign that things were going the right direction and would be fine.
I went to sleep saying affirmations a couple of nights ago, both in my mind and whispered aloud. I affirmed that God supplies me unfailingly and that the next day I would receive a phone call with a job offer. That is precisely what happened.
Sometimes I can feel that my words have power. This is one of those times.
If God is throwing you crumbs when you asked for an entire loaf, consider that the crumbs may be the trail that leads you where you need to go.