Why strive?

Lately I have been rethinking a few of my beliefs. Not the big ones like love and forgiveness, but the ones that guide how to direct my energy.

I used to be ambitious about my career and having certain material things. I haven’t completely stopped, but I no longer seek success in things like job titles and the kind of car I drive. This has been a positive change, but one that requires me to choose where to direct the energy that previous went into achieving.

What do I want to accomplish with the time I have left on this earth? And how best do I use the energy that flows through me? These questions have come to me recently courtesy of a new acquaintance.

I met an interesting guy through the internet dating site. I don’t know him very well, but of all of the ones I have met through this medium, he is the most like me spiritually. So far we are different enough to make things interesting. We are good at different things and we have different challenges in life. But we are on the same frequency and seem to have the same basic outlook on life.

One of the great things about getting to know a new person is the self-reflection it requires.

The way in which this person and I are most different is with regard to action. He seems to be a fast mover. I used to be more like he is now, which is easily explained by the difference in our ages, but in the past few years I have intentionally slowed down everything in my life, including my desire to take action.

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with the way he is doing things. On the contrary. The world needs people just like him and getting to know him a little has been a positive experience. He is questioning his role on this planet and talking to him about this causes me to rethink some of my spiritual decisions. Not really in an attempt to change or eliminate them, but just to check in and make sure I’m still going the right direction. It’s a good thing.

One of the things I like about this guy is his level of confidence in himself to engage people. He set up an event on Facebook and invited over 1000 people, and though only a fraction participated, he gathered a group of people together for honorable purposes. It was pretty impressive.

We had a recent conversation about the desire for clarity about ways to take positive action in the world. He desires to do more things to bring people together and spread the message of love. I encouraged him to do it through music, but it could actually be in any number of ways, large or small.

I realized that is where it’s at for me. Making all of life be action toward a greater outcome for all of creation.

Buddhism taught me that change starts within. And I am in control of my experience. The way I will make a positive impact in the world at large is to make a positive impact in my own life.

The reason I chose to slow my life down is so I could have the spaciousness to make decisions that will enhance my personal experience as well as impact every action I take. I figured myself out enough to know that if I want to make a difference, one of the biggest differences I can make is to conduct as much positive energy as possible, and then allocate that energy in such a way that it creates the most good in the world. So far that has been through writing and interpersonal relationships.

I seem to make the greatest impact with individuals and in the workplace. I have addressed small to medium groups verbally with some success as well, but I feel most comfortable with fewer people at a time.

I think I make up for that by pouring out my guts in writing.

Ultimately, I feel good about the path I am on and how I am moving along. That does not mean I am not open to change. And that is the challenge that is issued to each one of us with each and every relationship we develop. Whether it is a 30-second conversation in a coffee shop or a lifelong friendship, the people who come into our lives are mirrors. We are called to have the courage to look into those mirrors and discover ourselves.

It’s hard to say why any particular person shows up in our lives. Maybe I will help my new friend slow down sometimes and he will help me speed up when necessary. I don’t actually know. And I don’t even know if we have enough in common to stay friends, but whatever happens, it will be eye-opening. That much I can already sense.

We never know how long anything will last. The challenge of life is to make every single encounter with every person or creature complete and perfect. If we treat everyone we meet like a loved one we may never see again, magical things can happen.

There really is nothing to strive for outside of ourselves. The keys that unlock the universe are inside.

Open and receptive, let things come.

 

Reboot

Once again I find myself needing to post something just to keep my commitment to posting. It’s not that there’s nothing going on, it’s that I haven’t been taking much time to think about things. I’ve been distracting myself instead. Thankfully the holidays create distraction.

I’ve chosen distraction because, in my opinion, it is preferable to dwelling on things I have no control over. If I indulge too much in that activity, I quickly start spinning my wheels. To allow my mind to obsess over something that belongs in the hands of God, is a waste of my energy. There are a lot of other things in my life that deserve my attention more than the things I don’t like, those things I wish to surrender to the universe.

There is a glimmer of hope in my romantic life. Not with regard to one specific person, the whole process just feels better now. I’ve connected with a few nice guys, gone out a few times with a couple of them, and it’s been okay. No disasters, not even in the comic sense. I haven’t found one yet that I’d be interested in having a relationship with, but it’s okay that it’s taking some time. I want it to be right when it happens. I am going out next week with a guy who has so many quirky things in common with me that the prospect of meeting him makes me feel happy. He’s also very good-looking. That makes me happy…for obvious reasons. Hopefully he’s also a good person. I guess we’ll find out.

I’m hoping for small, manageable changes in my life. Just a little forward movement in the dating world, and maybe a bit more than that in the career world. I’m sorta playing life like a very important chess game right now. Slow and deliberate. Ya know?

For the past couple of weeks I have abandoned almost every comforting ritual in my life. I pray, but not nearly as often as I have at times; I haven’t been meditating often enough; I have stopped reading and writing. I’m never sure why I do this when life feels stressful, but that’s what happens. I’ve taken the giant step of forgiving myself for it. I have finally stopped adding guilt to everything I do or fail to do. It makes the difficult times go by more smoothly.

Tonight I will spend some time returning to my best beliefs–blessing all creatures, entertaining lovely thoughts, and restoring that heart connection with all that is good and right.

What a blessing it is for all of us that the Source is always available when we wish to tap into it.

Spacious love

My two favorite topics: Spirituality and Romance. They are the things I think about most.

Lately I feel it necessary to ask myself a lot of questions about exactly what it is I am looking for in a relationship.

I’ve been alone for a couple of years now. The longest I have ever been without a partner. In the big picture, it’s not a great length of time, but there are days when it feels like eons since I have connected with a person on that level. I miss it, I admit it.

Relationships can be deeply spiritual in that they invite us to practice our most dearly held beliefs and discover the limits of our ability to forgive and love unconditionally. A part of me is ready to go there again, but I want to get caught up in something light and lovely, not something reckless and potentially destructive. Ya know?

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” ~Joan Crawford

I’ve had my metaphoric house burned down from love, I’m not interested in going there again. The next romantic situation I get into will be much easier because I have learned a lot about expectation and disappointment in the past couple of years. Having expectations of others is not fair to them. And it virtually ensures disappointment.

The term friends with benefits has always bugged me, but rationally speaking, that is what a healthy relationship is about. The person I have a romantic relationship with needs to be none other than my best friend in the universe. That is so much more important than the statistical details most people are looking for in a partner (height, weight, income, etc.).

I have wondered if what I’m looking for even exists. The great thing about living in Portland is, if it does exist, I will find it here. People here are open-minded, freely expressive and highly creative. It’s a magical place to live. I love it here. So, my wish is that I find him here. And that he have a cute beard.

Right now I would like to meet someone it feels good to be around and have someone to do things with. Someone to hold hands with and kiss and be silly with. I do not want to get married or even live with anyone just yet, I would like us each to have our own space and go there regularly and see other friends and spend time alone. But I would also like to have this person around some of the time to hang out , eat meals together and go to movies or the zoo, things like that. Someone to go to Powell’s Books with. And maybe spend the night with a few times a week. Is it possible to find such a relationship and for two people to be happy in it without needing to push it forward or involve other people? I’m not looking for something polyamorous, just something spacious.

One of my favorite books is True Love by Thich Nhat Hanh. In it he has a section about the loving gesture of giving people enough space. The concept is called upeksha, meaning equanimity or freedom. Here’s what he has to say about it:

“In true love you attain freedom. When you love you bring freedom to the person you love. If the opposite is true, it is not true love. You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free, not only outside, but inside. ‘Dear one, do you have enough space in your heart and all around you?’ This is an intelligent question for testing out whether your love is something real.”

Some day I may want to live with someone or be married again, but I would like it to take a slower pace than my previous relationships. There’s no reason for hurry. Slowness allows more awareness and mindfulness. Friendships can really blossom over time.

I’m looking for that person it feels effortless to be around. The one I can breathe with–content to spend time together in total silence, just being near each other and understanding what that really means.

There is a little something in my heart these days that tells me not only is what I am looking for possible, I am very close to finding it. It’s a sensation that is hard to put my finger on, but there is definitely something in the air these days. It feels like something in this area is about to shift.

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

“It is the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”

~Paulo Coelho (The Alchemist)

I’m ready.

 

 

Who are you?

The online dating site that I have been using for a while causes me to wonder about human nature. Recently I was asked to be a moderator of the site, weighing in on questionable content. Oddly, the questionable profiles make more sense to me than some of the regular ones. I at least understand they are trying to sell something or scam someone.

So the thing that has me wondering about the people on the dating site, and all dating/social networking sites really, is how eager people are to define themselves. A lot of people on the dating site start their self-summary by saying This is hard, I don’t like writing about myself. To which I want to reply: Go with that thought. Why is it hard? Why do you hate writing about yourself? But I never do.

The thing is, most of the time on the dating site people say they hate to summarize themselves and then proceed to label and define themselves into a teeny, tiny box. In the process they manage to exclude all but a few people who can meet their impossibly narrow relationship criteria. And then they wonder why they can’t find the right woman. Duh. Maybe she doesn’t exist. What if the woman of their dreams is every single thing they are looking for, but happens to label and define herself in ways that don’t match the laundry list of requirements and deal breakers on their profile? Hmm… Futhermore, what if, out of lack of awareness, someone thinks they only like tall blondes who ride bikes, but the woman who could rock their world is a short brunette who drives a car? You can catch more fish with a net than with a pole. Just sayin’…

When I filled out my profile I also expressed a reluctance to define myself, but I explained that I do not like to label or define myself or others. I am not interested in limiting myself that way. And though I’m certainly not perfect at it, I try not to judge others and put them in boxes. Everyone is okay with me. I might not want to date everyone I meet, but that doesn’t mean I have no interest in them at all.

I guess I just get frustrated by all the limiting language I see on the dating profiles. If a person defines themselves as one thing, think of all the possibilities that are extinguished in the process of deciding exactly who and what they are. Plus, the more labels, definitions and limitations I see, the more I wonder how much that person really knows themselves to begin with. Life sometimes presents us with situations and circumstances that make it abundantly clear that everything we think we know for sure–about ourselves, others and the world around us–is false. Generally, I’m not impressed by what people think they know because thinking they know is as definite as it can ever truly be.

Through all of this frustration, I have read some really great profiles and seen that there are still some good-looking single men in Portland. That’s encouraging. Now if they could just get over themselves and drop a few rules, I might get to meet some of them.

Things are looking up

I’m feeling pretty thankful tonight. Something has finally shifted in my romantic life. Not a huge shift, but there is movement and that is progress I haven’t felt in a while.

Just over 2 years ago my heart was broken by a person I had spent 3.5 years of my life with in the closest, most intimate relationship I had ever been in. I was left wondering and still wonder at times what happened. He has never explained and has never spoken to me again despite my attempts to find closure so I could move on with my life.

Before I even had a chance to get over that one I met someone I felt like I had spent many lifetimes with and though our relationship remained platonic, I found myself in love with this person. It’s been a year since I last saw him and he also left me with a lot of questions about what happened and why he disappeared so suddenly.

These two relationships destroyed my self-confidence and I have spent most of the last two years trying to feel okay again.

The shift started at the new job. There is a guy there who is nerdy and adorable and I like him. Doesn’t matter if anything ever comes of it, the fact that I have a little crush is huge for me. It just doesn’t happen that often. I don’t connect with people that easily, but I definitely feel an attraction to this cute guy at my job. This makes me so happy.

I don’t know if finding someone cute opened my mind to possibilities, but just today I was contacted by three cute guys over the online dating site. One of them is more than just cute, he’s gorgeous…14 years younger than me…and I don’t even care! Normally I would rule him out immediately because of his age, but when I saw his pictures my age cut off went straight out the window.

I feel so happy and grateful that this area of my life is moving again. I have felt stuck for so long and I started to worry that I was going to spend the rest of my life pining over my friend. I miss him, but now I know I can move on. I’m so relieved I can’t even adequately express it.

Life feels a little sparkly and magical right now. I plan to enjoy this fully.

Another online dating rant

I’ll try to keep this short. Can’t promise sweet, but I’ll do my best.

I have been using an online dating site again. It’s a free one and I reactivated my profile after taking a few months off.

There are very few on the site that I find attractive. I’ve read some great profiles and definitely found some people I could be friends with, but nobody has caught my eye in a romantic sense. Maybe I’m thinking it will be like the opera singer, I’ll look at a picture and see my future unfold in the person’s eyes. I’m pretty sure what happened there was a once in a lifetime kinda thing though. Nothing even close has happened to me before or since. At least not from a photo.

Browsing through the ads today I felt an annoyance that has been nagging at me for a few days. There are some really self-defeating profiles out there. I’m amazed at what I read sometimes. It makes me wonder if these people are even aware of themselves at all.

Now I’m just being snarky, but I have a little list of the things that turn me off most when I read them in an online personals profile (and my responses to them):

• “I have a child and they are: my everything, my entire world, my number one priority…” or any of the other descriptions that attempt to convince the reader this person is a GOOD dad. It’s ridiculous. We all feel that way about our kids. It goes without saying. And saying it just makes you sound like a dork. If someone wrote that their kids are amazing and fabulous and the coolest people they ever met, that I could respect. The other is trite. 
• Young at heart. Just say it, you’re old or you feel old or you feel like other people think you’re old. You don’t see young people claiming to be old-at-heart. Just sayin’…
• Friends, maybe more later or Possible marriage and children… Eeeww. Why do you think you need to dangle that carrot? And what kind of woman is desperate enough to think that’s charming? From my experience, the guys who say this are pretty poor marriage material, but think because they are male they are sought after. Yuck.
• Lists of obscure or esoteric books, authors or musicians. Does anything scream Please think I’m cool worse than this? It’s icky. Everybody likes good literature and music, it’s just that everyone has a different definition of good. Leave it alone. Again, this makes you sound like a dork.
• Bragging about having a sarcastic sense of humor. Why is this something to be proud of? Sarcasm is the most useless, mean spirited form of humor that is sorely lacking in creativity and depth. Make people laugh without resorting to character assassination and I’ll think you’re pretty awesome.
• Being non-responsive when someone communicates with you. Seriously, get over yourself. Why are you even on this site to begin with? Take it as a compliment for crying out loud.
• Saying you’re open to friends when you really aren’t. This also applies to the previous point. Some of these guys are suffering from Hotness Delusion Syndrome–check it out, it’s a real issue.
• Hipsters–most people know my opinion about this.
• Burners–There are no words…

This is really only an issue today because I’m in a grumpy mood. I’m being hard on myself for something I did and it’s ridiculous and I need to stop. When I’m mad at myself, the whole world suffers.

I’m just ready to meet someone nice and be excited to spend time with him. Even some new friends would be great, but I really want to just find someone beautiful and perfect and fall crazy in love.

I know he’s out there. And he’s looking for me too. And he’s wondering why people write such stupid things in their profiles and he’s wondering if there is anyone else on earth who gets it.

It’s happening

Things are falling into place.  It looks like I have a job finally and my car is not going to be that expensive to fix. It may still be too soon to call and I’m not out of the woods yet, but I feel like I can declare this rough patch officially over.  I had a lot of help, for which I am so grateful.  Thank you to all who sent positive energy and prayers my way.  It helped me not blow a gasket like my car did.

I’m still stunned by how good my skin looks after simplifying my skin care routine.  I cannot stress enough what vitamin E oil does for the skin.  It’s an amazing healing potion.

As my skin has improved I have wondered if it is actually the products I am using or the attention I am paying to my skin.  I’ve been gentle with good intentions.  I totally believe that skin responds to emotions and intentions just like everything else.  Could be a little of both, but whatever it is, my skin looks better after two weeks of this than it has looked in years and I swear I have taken years off my face.  So there’s my plug for vitamin E, not wearing makeup all the time and for mindfulness and kindness to oneself.

The best thing to come out of this new skin routine is that as I have been going without makeup I have gotten to the point of thinking I look good without it.  I have never thought that before in my life.  Never, not even once.  So this has been really good for me in a lot of ways.

It’s official, I have a job again.  The call came a little while ago.  It’s not quite the level of work and responsibility I am used to, but it’s okay.  Having an easy job will be good for me.  A good transition back into full-time work.  I’m not one to turn down work of any kind when I need money, so this will work out fabulously until something else comes along.  I am so thankful for the grace that got me through this period of unemployment and for the protection of the angels who were with me the whole time.

So what’s next?  Dates I think.  Today marks 2 years of being single.  And I’m finally feeling good about it.  I think things were in a holding pattern because I wasn’t ready.  I wanted to be ready, but I wasn’t.  Up until recently I wasn’t looking for a relationship as much as I was hoping to ease the pain of the breakup with the opera singer. I couldn’t see that then because it hurt so much and all I wanted was to not be in pain.

I’m at least open to the idea of meeting someone new.  I’m still hopelessly smitten with my friend, but Portland has an abundance of adorable, 30-something hippie guys with beards.  That’s what I’m talkin’ about.  It’s going to be hard for anyone to be more perfect [for me] than the person I adore, but while I get over that, I’m pretty sure I can enjoy the attention of some cute guys. Especially if the weather gets better.

It’s rumored that Spring may actually come to Portland this year.  I’ll believe it when I see it.  Portland is too hipster cool to do the seasons at the same time as the rest of the hemisphere.  How can Portland stay weird if it conforms to things like weather patterns?  Where will all the hipsters go?  I suddenly feel like writing a song…

Speaking of songs, American Idol is getting on my nerves.  There are only 2 weeks left after this so I’m going to keep watching, but two things are bugging me: Haley and Scotty.  I don’t like either one of them.  Haley is arrogant and lacking in grace and decorum.  What is up with the dirty looks when the judges offer criticism?  Who is she to be openly angry in the middle of free coaching by professional musicians?  What does she think will happen when she gets into the real world?  Is she going to disregard her fans’ wishes because she thinks she knows better?  Let us know how that works out for you, Haley.

Scotty just plain annoys me and always has.  He has a good voice, but his inability to sing anything other than old school country is lame.  And last night’s singing of Where Were You, the post 9/11 anthem by Alan Jackson was so contrived and manipulative that it nearly made me barf.

Going back to Haley, I don’t sing, but I do write and while I was writing academically I received a lot of criticism from peers and professors.  Most of it was good, but some of it was really harsh.  When I was in my first year of law school I had to retake Legal Research and Writing (LRW) because my appellate brief, the biggest project of the 1L year, was a disorganized mess according to my writing professor.  And it was.  I did not understand the instructions and didn’t bother to get help, so I had to do it over.  And then the final paper I turned in so I could graduate was rejected by the grading professor and declared to be crap. It wasn’t my best writing for sure, but I was told only days before the end of my final semester that I needed to complete a paper.  I had taken an incomplete in a class because my professor died during the semester and we didn’t really finish learning about labor arbitration.  I was exhausted from finals and I threw a paper together.  A 30-page research paper.  It didn’t work out so well.  But, I didn’t have time to glare and give dirty looks and talk about hurt feelings.  I had 12 hours to start over and write a paper worthy of a law degree, so I gave myself 30 minutes to cry and stress out and then I did it.  That’s what in it to win it means to me.  Taking the criticism, working on the problem and moving forward, not sulking like a spoiled baby when someone doesn’t like your work.  I think Haley needs to go home and think this over.

This post has gone all random (and ranty), so I guess I’ll just leave it at that.

Happy, grateful, joy-filled, peaceful.  Life is good.

Somebody to love

The time is coming when I’m going to be open to the idea of dating again.  My kids are all settled in and it would be really nice to hang out with someone who gets me.  And if that someone just happened to be beautiful, all the better.  I do have a thing for the pretty boys.

There is someone I care about a lot and I would be happy to see it turn into something sweet and romantic, but I think I need to see what my options are.  So far, the dating situation has been unsatisfactory.  And honestly, I’m not entirely sure I know how to do dating.  I’ve done very little of it.  I was married the entirety of my 20′s and 30′s and haven’t really dated all that much since then.  All I really did was have a minor flirtation in law school and then dove right into a serious long-term relationship.  That’s not a lot of experience as an adult.

When I ask the universe to bring the right person for me, I have a hard time not visualizing the particular person I wish it would be.  Because he’s perfect.  The kindest, most gentle person I have ever met…and beautiful.  When I look at him or even think about him I catch my breath.  We have a heart level connection that is never going to go away.  And while I am fully capable of moving on when someone who interests me shows up, I believe there is a good chance I’m always going to feel this way about this guy, so it would be oh so convenient if it ended up being him. There is an innocence to our connection and time spent near him is filled with pure silliness and laughter.  He makes me giddy.

I just need a place to direct this energy I have saved for someone lovely and kind.  It ultimately doesn’t matter who it ends up being, I trust the universe to bring the one who is right for me.  And for the first time in my life I have clearly stated my wishes and focused my full awareness on being open to him when he shows up.  I can’t wait.

Being in love is the best feeling on earth.  It’s intoxicating, better than any drug or alcohol.  And I truly believe it makes us healthier to be that happy.  There is something so magical about looking at someone and seeing their divinity because it’s so bright and clear and radiant.  Being in love makes that effortless.  You see that other person’s beauty without even trying.  I love feeling that way about someone.

I had brief contact yesterday with the person I have romantic feelings for.  It feels like he’s a million miles away even though he’s literally just down the street.  If I read my angel cards correctly though, he’ll be back in my life again someday.  I am very much open to that outcome.  I really want to see him again.

Being in love is my favorite way of being.   I look forward to my new best friend showing up.  It’s kinda like this:

Dating

I normally try to abide by a semi-firm rule that states, “thou shalt not e-mail or blog after a happy hour or any other event consisting of more than two alcoholic beverages.”  The fact that I just turned it into a commandment shows I drank more than I should before writing.

What a day.  This blog post is going to be about dating, but I have to unload first.  Today sucked.  My car needs repairs I can’t afford, I haven’t found a job and I need to and my ex-husband did something really shitty.  So it was a difficult day.  But that’s not the purpose of this post.  The purpose of this post is to laugh at my pathetic excuse for a dating life.

Not that I’m going on actual dates, mind you.  And it seems cosmically unfair for it to be this hard when I haven’t even gotten a drink out of the deal.

I have been single for almost 2 years, the longest I have ever been single.  Prior to this, the longest I had ever been alone was a few months.  And in those cases, I wasn’t really alone, I was just not in a relationship.  I wasn’t lonely, I was actually kinda popular.

For parts of the past two years, I dated, but I can only do it for so long before I have to take a step back and ask: What is wrong with people?  Am I so out of the loop that I didn’t get the memo on this internet dating stuff?

When I first started dating about a year and a half ago, it was fun, but not in an exhilarating way, more in an, “OMG, these people are crazy” kinda way.

During those few months, I tried craigslist, match and eharmony.  I can’t remember if I actually went on any dates from the paid services, but I know I went on some craigslist dates and believe me, there’s a reason that service is free.  You can’t pay for that shit, it’s priceless.  Kinda makes me want to go on more craigslist dates actually.  At least it was entertaining.  It suddenly occurs to me that people who pay for dating services possibly take themselves and life too seriously.  Or maybe they just haven’t hit rock bottom.

Craigslist does seem to be the home of people with little or nothing to lose.  Seriously, how much worse can it get at that point?  You’re looking for love on the same website where you can pick up used car parts and a free couch that’s been scratched to pieces and peed on by cats.

In that first round of dating, the ones who stood out were: The Yawner, The Groper and Pastor S. I’m not even going to go into detail.  It was funny, but for the sake of brevity, I ask you to believe me.  Let your imagination run with those.

After a few months of it I met the person I’ve referred to in other blogs as the guy who rocked my world.  As soon as I met him I stopped dating.  What was the point?  I was done looking.  The perfect person was in my life, dating didn’t make sense anymore.  Little did I know…

So…recently I gave up on every one of my imaginary boyfriends, from the guy who turned out to be my real-life soulmate to Adam Richman (Man v. Food) to the guy who plays Desmond on Lost.  I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I’m not going to spend the rest of my life with any of them.  Dating, once again, seems to be the only alternative to spending the rest of my life in some kind of Dickensian hell, wearing a wedding dress and never leaving my house.

This led me to sign up for yet another free dating site.  I’d put the name on here, but I don’t want anyone I’ve interacted with there to know I’m talking about them…just in case they read it.  Just in case.

This time around I have encountered a 64-year-old in an open relationship with a 36-year-old woman who demanded I meet him for coffee; a 40-ish guy who told me he wasn’t a stalker and then called and texted my phone until I blocked him; a guy born in 1975, the year that haunts my very existence; and today, a guy who is 16 years younger than me.

I’m getting to that point where I don’t feel older, I mostly don’t look older and yet, I’m pretty sure the numbers aren’t lying.  The guy 16 years younger isn’t even the youngest one either.  I met one in the 3-D world who is 19 years younger than me.  It doesn’t seem to freak them out nearly as much as it does me.

After a facebook status post earlier, the comments tell me that my issues with this cougar phenomenon may be generational.  Many people in the generation right after me are telling stories of being older than their mother’s boyfriends.  And while I appreciate the reassurance, I didn’t even know many kids with divorced parents when I was growing up, let alone ones with moms who were dating our peers.

Ultimately I am flattered, but it’s going to take a bit of getting used to.  Though I have only dated younger men since I got divorced a few years ago, they have been 10 years younger, not 16.  In the difference between our ages, a person could be born and have a driver’s license.  Oy.  Ten years is safe because it’s a biological impossibility that I could have parented my boyfriend, 16 comes with no such peace of mind.

No telling what’s next.  But I’m morbidly curious to find out.