Expectations

“When one’s expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have.” ~Stephen Hawking

Expectation is not our friend. It is impossible to love unconditionally and have any expectations of other people’s behavior. That’s why I believe that one of the keys to happiness is looking closely at one’s beliefs about things and rooting out qualifiers and expectations. It’s the ability to let go. Few things bring greater peace and joy to life than the ability to let go of expectations, of people, and of things. Non-attachment is one of the great keys to enlightenment.

Disappointment is the best way to identify attachments and expectations. We can all recognize that feeling because we have all felt it at some point. If you really embrace and examine feelings of disappointment, no matter how painful, you will mine spiritual gold from the insights. Because once you identify an attachment, only then does it become possible to release it.

One of the hardest areas for me to let go at times is romantic feelings. Actually, I’ve let go pretty easily in all but two situations my whole life, and those two relationships, back to back, rocked my world. So they definitely have value in showing me what makes me want to be attached to another person. It makes me look at both myself and the other person. And I think that’s good.

Sometimes the universe asks us to let go of the same person over and over. In the deepest part of my soul I believe when that happens, it is the continuation of something that has been going on for lifetimes beyond this one. When a person drifts in and out of your life repeatedly over the years and yet, there is nothing but love, no matter how much time passes, that is a person you know beyond the five senses. It’s pretty hard to deny.

In situations like these I like to rely on what some might consider magical or fanciful thinking, but it brings me comfort, so I’m not gonna knock it. It is truly the hope that lies in the pattern of separation and reconciliation that keeps me going. The hope that because we have done this so many times, we will continue doing it until we get it right.

All who meet will one day meet again until their relationship becomes holy. ~A Course in Miracles

The challenge of loving a person unconditionally is a big one. Try to accept a person, any person, exactly as they are without needing them to change a single thing. While you will find it’s harder with some than with others, in the easiest case it still takes a ton of self-discipline. Yet, every victory of the heart to love unconditionally is the most beautiful gift to the universe. And because I believe that God or the universe or whatever anyone wants to call it has blessed all of us so completely and amazingly, I believe it deserves the very best we have to offer as humans. And our very best comes from our hearts and minds, not from anything external.

This line of thinking brings me back to the concept of impermanence and what a lovely gift that is. It tells us that nothing goes on forever, so in the moments that hurt, we can have hope; in the joyous moments we can have deep gratitude. It’s all in how we choose to look at things.

Sometimes we learn to live a life free of expectations after great losses. That’s where I am coming from. When things go spectacularly wrong in life, if you are aware and able to stand back and observe your own life, you can see the hand of God at work.

The hard times have been hard the past couple of years, I can’t deny that, but what I have gained in patience and equanimity cannot be acquired by other means. I have no regrets…and very few expectations.

Letting go is the best feeling on earth.

Be at peace.

 

Willing heart

Life is bittersweet sometimes.

Things are still a ways from being perfect, but sometimes when I think about how the universe works, I am humbled and amazed.

On November 2, when I was in the deepest, darkest place of uncertainty, I tweeted this: The universe is bringing everything my family needs to keep going. I believe this and I give thanks in advance. ❤ I had very little tangible evidence to support that statement and I knew, even then, that my belief was in something much bigger than the circumstances in which I found myself.

Faith is like a muscle that is built by accepting what life brings with as much grace and equanimity as can be mustered. I do this to the best of my ability, though I will admit I do not always succeed, and sometimes feel very petty and weak.

Composing that tweet was a conscious and aware decision. I knew what my situation was, I knew something needed to happen, and I knew I had nothing I could point to as an indicator that things would be okay. But I knew that believing that things would not be okay was not an option. If I go around thinking things are going to suck and then they suck, I feel like I contributed to that outcome. But when I am truly able to believe things will work out, they do. It’s beautiful, especially when the connection between the belief and the outcome seems obvious.

A few days after posting the tweet, a friend tipped me off to a potential earning opportunity, which resulted in another friend offering to employ me until my permanent job starts. It’s not a lottery win, but it is a giant step toward things being okay again. I feel the difference the most in my heart. I have been carrying some heavy, heavy burdens with very few people to talk to. But once I finally told someone how scared I was feeling and how hard things have been, it started getting better immediately.

Faith requires a willingness to admit the truth about ourselves and about life. If we can do this with compassion, the universe responds…with loving kindness. God–whatever that means to a person–loves us. It is humanity that is harsh with itself.

The moments of truth that lead up to the tweet declaration were of the Jesus take the wheel variety. I was praying a lot and while talking to God about my life and circumstances, I finally came to the question Whatcha gonna do? And my answer was: I got nothin’, God. That place of ultimate surrender. The place where you have to surrender because there are no other options.

Grace only comes where it is truly needed. It is not welcome when we choose to grapple and struggle with things on our own. It is in giving up, saying fuck it to the cosmos, that we create the space necessary for grace to enter our hearts. When it happens, it is sublime. At the same time, I realize that some moments can’t be experienced if things are always going smoothly. We experience joy in proportion to our capacity to endure hardship without bitterness. In proportion to our willingness to see things as good no matter how they seem on the surface. How do I know my experience is good? Because it is the one I am having.

On November 2, I didn’t know what I was going to do to get my life back on track, but I knew one thing, I was willing…to do whatever it would take…and to be open and unconditionally accepting [of myself] in my darkest moments.

I see the light again.

Because of the difficulties that my life has been blessed with, I have experienced the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding. How can I fail to be grateful for this?

If any of this resonates, please check out Chapter 18, section 5 of A Course in Miracles. I actually looked it up just prior to writing this post, well after my own recent miracle was underway, but it so beautifully completes my thoughts here. And much more eloquently.

The thing at the top of my gratitude list these days? Sleeping soundly.

Amen.

Spiritual awakening kit

A 23-year-old from the online dating site asked me, after reading my profile, if I have any advice for him. He’s a young Buddhist and is interested in learning more about life. I told him the best advice I could give anyone is to be here now and to be in the present moment as much as possible because only from the present moment do we have the power to heal the past and create the future.

So now, I am wondering if I were to put together a spiritual survival kit of sorts, what would be in it? Here are some of the books, dvds and other items I would put together for someone starting down the path I have been on:

• The Bible
• A dvd of What the Bleep Do We Know, the extended quantum edition
• The Game of Life and How to Play it by Florence Scovel Shinn
• Living Buddha, Living Christ by Thich Nhat Hanh
• You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay
• A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson
• A Course in Miracles
• Angels 101 by Doreen Virtue
• The Secret by Rhonda Byrne
• The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
• Science of Mind by Ernest Holmes
• Tao te Ching
• Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
• Siddhartha by Herman Hesse
• The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo
• Crystals, specifically: clear quartz, rose quartz, amethyst, citrine, moonstone, and blue lace agate
• Beautiful music
• Candles
• Incense
• Paper and pen
• A sense of humor

There are a lot more books I could put on the list. In the past few years I have read so many that have impacted me. Whenever I find a book that speaks to me, it invariably leads me to others that do as well.

Even with its ups and downs, this has been an amazing journey I’ve been on the past several years. It makes me really look forward to whatever is next. It  just gets better and better.

It’s a privilege to share what I have learned with everyone.

 

Healing the world with lovingkindness

I find it ironic that the more things I have on my mind, the harder it is to think of something to write about.

Things are changing in the world.  It is palpable.  And I don’t even watch the news.  The only place I see news is on Facebook or Twitter.  Avoiding news and advertising driven media in general has not left me as out of the loop as one might imagine.  I don’t seem to need a lot of details to know what I can do to help in a situation.  If it’s something I can take direct physical action to correct, I do.  If it’s something out of my control, I think positive thoughts around whatever it is, knowing that this is what I am called to do and that by focusing my intent, I put power behind those thoughts.

Marianne Williamson posted this on her Facebook page earlier today: “A revolution of love is sweeping the planet. Fear has material resources, but love has cosmic support. Ultimately, love will prevail because only love is real.”  I believe Marianne speaks the truth.  I probably differ from her on some issues, but fundamentally, I believe her to be someone very much in the know on spiritual matters.

This revolution is happening largely because of websites like Facebook and Twitter and all the blogs people are writing.  It is an amazing time in history because of technology.  These global conversations that weren’t possible ten years ago are changing our world…and speeding things up.

If you would have told me a year ago that I would be on Twitter and find myself truly engaged and caring about the people I am following, I’m not sure I would have believed it.  A year ago I thought Twitter was a toy for people who thought of themselves as the cool kids and I didn’t really want any part of it. I have changed my mind completely.

A few months ago I decided to give my Twitter account a chance and after a couple of weeks, I realized that I had the answer to my life’s question at my disposal.  I have carried around this message of unconditional love and forgiveness that I have wanted to share for years now and thought the only way was by writing a book.  I’m still working on a book, but I am no longer attached to that being the only way to get my point across.

I have tweeted almost 1700 times in less than 6 months.  Probably less than 5 months, actually.  And of those, I’d say 99% of them were really positive, affirming tweets.  Plus, I’m following almost 1200 people and of those I’d say half are doing the same thing I’m doing.  It’s an amazing thing to daily read so many affirmations, mantras, blessings, quotes and bits of really lovely poetry.  It renews my hope in humanity.  I hope the people who read my words are uplifted by them because I have gained so much from what I have been reading.

I feel this shift in consciousness happening and it’s really exciting.  It’s not unlike watching some kind of entertainment event with millions of people who are all there for the same reason.  The enthusiasm is infectious.

Spending the majority of one’s time in the present moment, mindfully aware, makes every day an adventure.

I think the people of the world are weary and are looking for ways to feel better.  As it begins to catch on that meditation and positive thinking produce miracles in people’s lives, there are going to be more and more happy people on this planet.

For some reason, tough times seem to bring out the empathy in a lot of people.  And things have been a little bumpy on the planet recently.  As A Course in Miracles teaches: Anything that is not love is a call for love. I believe the things that have been happening in our world lately, from the natural disasters to the political unrest are a call for love of cosmic proportions.  And I believe and can actually feel that call being answered, by regular people, just like me, who truly want to see every heart be at peace.

Every single good-hearted person who takes a moment to send up a prayer or affirmation for our world makes a difference.  Now is a really good time to be thinking happy thoughts.  We create what we focus on.  We all have much to be grateful for and we need to stick together and save our world.

Blessing the earth and all the creatures on it.

Cheryl

A guru for the rest of us

My blogs have been a little whiny lately and I apologize for that.  I’m going through something.  It doesn’t feel serious, but nonetheless it makes it harder to be my normally positive self.

My adult life has been spent practicing some kind of spirituality or other.  I spent 20 years being a church going Christian soccer mom, then discovered Buddhism and since then it’s been a spiritual free for all.  This is not a bad thing, in fact it is and has been a very, very good thing.  I feel liberated from the confines of Christian dogma and legalism.  And I feel no obligation to categorize or define my beliefs.  I know of no religious organization to which I feel compelled to be a member.  And I’m totally okay with that.

I have gone from fundamental Christianity to an unnamed form of New Age spirituality.  Through so many different channels.  Books like The Game of Life and How to Play it by Florence Scovel Shinn and You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay changed my entire outlook on life and the world.  From there I found Marianne Williamson and A Return to Love and ultimately A Course in Miracles. I have gone from a very narrow religious and spiritual life to embracing angels, numerology, astrology, reiki healing, crystals and so much more.  My mind dismisses nothing as impossible now.  My search has opened the entire universe up to me and I am so grateful.

Most days this path brings me joy and peace.  And then there are days like today.

I have been in a slump recently and it is affecting my thinking and my ability to see things from a perspective that feels good.  And I am nearly ashamed to admit that it is because I feel very lonely.

Since I have been on this path of spiritual discovery and self-responsibility, I have alienated my entire family except my children and nearly all the friends I had.  I have added a few new ones and reconnected with some of the more open minded people from my past, but I go to bed alone every night and I spend most of the rest of my time alone as well.

The part of this that makes me mad at myself is that I know I could be making better use of this time.  I recently finished a big work project so I’m in between things and have time on my hands.  Do I spend that time reading things that will inspire me or spend more hours in meditation like I did when I was going through some of the roughest parts of the past few years?  No, I have been spending time feeling sorry for myself.  Not constantly, I am still a very optimistic, upbeat person.  But I haven’t felt well lately and walking my spiritual path is difficult and heavy these days.

Part of what inspired me to write this blog is the feeling that nobody gets it.  I can read the words of Marianne Williamson and Louise Hay all I want and it doesn’t relieve the loneliness.  In fact, when I feel the way I’ve been feeling all I can think is that Louise Hay would be disappointed in me.  Believe me, that doesn’t help.

I will say that of the authors I have read in recent years I believe that Marianne Williamson and Doreen Virtue would both understand what I’m going through.

What does Marianne Williamson call these moments?  AFGO–Another friggin’ growth opportunity.  I love that woman.

I guess what I am looking for is some humanity in this spiritual stuff.  We have so many shining examples of successful people who have turned it all around and are now happy, radiant spiritual gurus that we should all aspire to be like.  But what I would like to know is where is the guru for those of us who are mired deep in the world of human “reality?”  Those of us who are trying to walk the same spiritual path as the people we admire so much while losing jobs, struggling with finances and finding ourselves alone just for being on this path to begin with.

There is the truth, which is that we are all one and that it is very important to stay positive, to love one another and to help each other.  And then there is the day to day reality of living in this world in this body at this time.  And for me, one who feels like a spiritual infant, going it alone is sometimes very difficult.  Finding my way through these dark places back to the light is not always easy and sometimes I don’t feel like I have the strength to reach out to anyone, let alone find a supportive group to be a part of.  Not that I have ever truly felt a part of any group I’ve been a member of.

It would be nice to know that others on this path have bad days too.  The books, blogs, Facebook pages and Twitter feeds do not always show this very human element of the world of spirituality.  As for me, I feel like if I post a tweet that is anything but 100% positive, people will stop following.  I’m probably wrong about that, but it doesn’t feel like something I can do, at least not at this time.

It’s going to be okay.  I always make it out of these places, I just wanted to say to the world that this is work, it’s not all rainbows and warm puppies.  Sometimes it is loneliness, judgment, misunderstanding and struggle.  But we endure…and we keep moving forward knowing tomorrow is a new day full of promise.

I’m listening to the Beatles and All You Need is Love just started playing.  That’s what I’m talking about.  It’s all going to be okay.  This too shall pass.

 

KarunaMettaCAT

Spiritual malaise

I’m just going to put this out there because I cannot imagine that I am the only person this applies to.

I have been feeling spiritually lazy the past few days.  I’m grateful that I am aware enough to know what’s happening when it happens, but it’s not comfortable.

My demons await me in matters of self-discipline.  That is not to say I am undisciplined.  I have a stronger will and determination than just about anyone I know. It’s just that as with physical exercise, sometimes it feels good to take a breather once in a while and not be rigid about things like meditation, reading and studying things of a spiritual nature.

I think it is a response to striving.  Sometimes I catch myself striving spiritually.  I require myself to read constantly on spiritual and metaphysical topics.  It’s not that I don’t love these books, I do, it’s just I could ease up on myself a little and likely what I would find is that I will read the books anyway because I love them, not because my inner task master is threatening me with words like loser and slacker.  I get that this is a heavy burden for a lot of people.  We all have that inner critic that up to a point is helpful and motivates us to do good.  But when that turns into emotional blackmail, it’s time to take a break, for the good of everyone.

So lately I’ve been feeling really grumpy at the world.  I know the way to remedy that is to really think about people and how similar we all are in the most fundamental ways.  And know that my fellow travelers are all doing the best they can with what they have to work with.  I also know that meditation is the surest way back to a comfortable perspective that is focused on joy.

A lot of this thinking about malaise happened when I was out driving today.  Driving is the biggest challenge to my ability to practice my beliefs, I admit it. I caught myself thinking grumpy thoughts at the other drivers and I stopped and tried to redirect my thinking, but instead of calming down and thinking more compassionately, I had a little tantrum.  I even heard myself whining in my head.  It was not attractive.  I didn’t want to think nice things about people, I felt tired of watching my every thought and word–it’s a lot of work!

And then I remember that the reason I do these things is not because I enjoy being disciplined, but because I like to feel good.  I like to feel at peace, relaxed and happy.  And I cannot do that while considering anyone an enemy.  So I must find the inspiration to move from where I’m at to the place I prefer to be–a place of unconditional love and compassion for my fellow human beings.

This is how my current spiritual path actually developed.  I was in despair because I was hurt by the actions of someone I loved dearly.  And I could not reconcile what he did with the person I believed him to be.  It was a form of hell that needed to be resolved as quickly as possible.  I had to find his innocence, I had to find a way to see beyond his actions to the person I truly loved.  I needed to find true forgiveness, which is unconditional love in practice.  Hating him was not going to make my life better, no matter how much other people tried to convince me it was necessary to feel that way.

Turned out it was not as easy as I hoped it would be.  It took a lot of inward reflection and soul-searching to come to a place, not of overlooking the offense, but to see no offense to begin with.  This was not something I knew how to do.  But the things I had been reading, specifically A Course in Miracles, had convinced me that it was absolutely necessary that I figure out how.

My counselor recommended a book called Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping.  She believed that I would greatly benefit from it and that it would help me move forward from the place I felt stuck.  The book gave me a perspective that freed me from the prison where my ego had me trapped.

I’m preparing to read it again because it’s been over a year since I read it and my entire way of looking at the world is different from what it was then.  I might be able get something different from it this time.

Driving is a mini-version of the dilemma I faced a little over a year ago.  It is difficulty reconciling people’s behavior with the loving, divine beings I know they are at the core.  If Radical Forgiveness could help me pull myself out of the pit of despair I was in over being deeply hurt by someone close to me, I have hope it can help relieve this spiritual malaise I’ve been feeling and help me see others in a way that feels good and contributes to the greater good of all.

To anyone who feels the need to forgive someone for something that seems impossible to overcome, I highly recommend Radical Forgiveness as well as A Course in Miracles as tools to help shift your perspective and see things differently to your, and ultimately everyone’s, advantage.

 

KarunaMettaCAT