The thing about time

I think about time a lot. For the past few years I have been especially fascinated by the concept of time. Clock time has not been friendly to me, I will admit. For much of my life I have felt pressured and constrained by the modern concept of time. Oddly enough, going to law school was the beginning of the change in my perspective regarding time.

The reason I find it odd that law school helped free me from the constraints of time as I previously knew it is because law school is an extremely pressure filled experience. There are deadlines, overwhelming amounts of incredibly difficult study and research, and classroom attendance is mandatory. The way the system is set up is brilliant though if you ask me. A law student must show up to class and if he/she is wise, will take a lot of notes. How well that student does at the end of the semester is based on only one thing, performance on the final exam. Being prepared for class each day has no impact on grades. So it’s possible to put off studying until right before an exam. It’s not a very good idea, but it can be done.

In law school you see every kind of time management and personality type. There are those who will never feel prepared no matter how much time they spend studying and will cease living in favor of spending all their time in the library. Later on those are probably the people who never see their families because they’re at work all the time. There are also those who view law school as an extension of their undergrad party life, the ones who rely heavily on commercial outlines and cram it all in right before class or exams.

My experience was trying to find balance. Law school was an extremely social experience for me. I was involved in a lot of things, went to lots of parties with friends, volunteered for things that mattered to me, and found my way to most of the networking and social events. I made several lifelong friends during that experience. And I still managed to graduate with respectable grades and without falling into the bottom half of the class.

My point about law school is that there are a certain amount of things to be done in a certain time frame. How you do that is up to you and your own individual relationship with time. There is a spaciousness in the world of law that is obscured by court deadlines and billable hours requirements. This is where the law and I sort of clash.

Certain cultures are said to view time differently than others. Whether it’s embedded in DNA, I do not know. However, I am Native American and I can definitely say time has always felt different to me to the point where I have struggled to stay in compliance with society’s rules regarding it. I like to exist outside of time whenever possible and that makes me very different from most people I meet.

How does one exist outside of time? One of the biggest ways is meditation. The concept of clock time is a big enemy of meditation. It’s the thing that makes the practice seem difficult. What is meditation but a rest period for the mind? The thing that makes it hard for some people is the idea that it has to be squeezed into a certain time frame and practiced for a certain number of minutes per day or its value is somehow diminished. How restful is that?

It makes sense to me to have moments dedicated to meditation. It also makes sense to develop an ability to enter a meditative state at will. Meditation is a tool to allow us to rest our minds so we do not become overwhelmed with life. It is a gift we give ourselves, the gift of not thinking.

Sitting for meditation presents a struggle for many people. A struggle to quiet the mind. The struggle is unnecessary. Not thinking is not the same thing as not having thoughts. We are not required to have no thoughts in order to rest our minds. If we’re awake, thoughts happen, that’s just how it is. It is focusing on thoughts that makes the mind work. Meditation can happen whenever we are able to sit quietly and allow the thoughts to flow through like a stream. Doing so creates a feeling of bliss and calm, which is what most people who meditate are seeking. I propose it can be done throughout the day and does not require a cushion, loose clothing, or a bell. Those things are nice, but definitely not necessary.

When my mind gets tired, if I am able to do so, I rest it. The key is recognizing the opportunities and taking them. Not everyone recognizes all the time we have available to us. In present moment awareness, the concept of time as most of us understand it, dissolves. Finding refuge there as much as possible can help people escape the pressure of clock time.

At my last job, the days were often very busy from start to finish, but there were moments once in a while when the phone didn’t ring. Sometimes it was only for a few seconds, sometimes whole minutes at a time. At times I would talk to my coworkers, but other times I would sit at my desk and just be there. I would take whatever opportunity there was to be aware that I was sitting at my desk breathing in and out. Whatever other thoughts managed to float through were allowed to do so. When another call came, I would focus on that. These little breaks helped me do my job well. Nearly every conversation I had at there was light-hearted and friendly. There was no reason for them not to be.

Finding ways to exist outside of time is finding oases in the desert of life. It is respite from the onslaught of information that is hurled at us all day, every day. It’s not possible to be stressed or miserable when you are not thinking. It literally requires effort to stress ourselves out and yet it is a choice many of us make every single day.

I wish for more people to take a break from time once in a while. Because what if it turns out that time is not what we thought it was and it is more spread out and less linear? Think of all the energy people waste with worry, much of it the result of time pressure. And think of how we could change the world by reclaiming that energy and focusing it in a different way.

Time is a tool, use it, don’t become its servant.

Perceive the divine mystery

“Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.” ~Fyodor Dostoyevsky

 

Serendipity is one of my favorite things.

After I dropped my daughter off at school this morning I was thinking of how much I love people…and animals…and trees…and so many other things. And I was thinking that the reason I am able to feel the way I do most of the time is because I am paying attention, looking for the divine in everyone and everything.

On my way home from my daughter’s school I stopped by the grocery store. It’s one of the best places to see cute babies and little kids.

This morning I saw an adorable little boy sitting in a shopping cart. He was probably 2 or 3. His dad was busy with a shopping list and the little guy was lifting a loaf of bread up and over his head, showing what a big, strong boy he is. When he put the bread down he told his dad, “Whew, that was heavy.” Dad was not really paying attention and just sorta mumbled an affirmation about the bread being heavy. I wish that dad would have been paying attention! It was a precious sight and though I’m sure this little guy provides his parents with much joy and many moments just as sweet, his dad missed this one. I guess the good thing is that I, a complete stranger, did not miss it. It made me smile and remember when my kids were that small and how much I loved their antics.

So I went on my way and finished up at the store, happy, still thinking about how delightful people can be. Then on my way out I saw a dog who was walking over to his owner, carrying his own leash in his mouth. Adorable! It was possibly a Golden Retriever, but his coat was a little reddish like he might have Irish Setter or some other breed as well. He was just a big old happy dog, the kind who looks like he doesn’t have a care in the world. I really liked him.

I know I say it frequently, but life is really beautiful…if you’re paying attention. The two encounters I had this morning brought so much joy to my morning that I would not have experienced if I were not present and paying attention. It’s not like I don’t have other stuff to worry about right now, I do, but if I dwell there, I will miss the beauty that is life. And it is truly glorious.

After I got home, I found the above quote on Facebook. Well put, Dostoyevsky. I was thinking the exact same thing…though perhaps ever so slightly less eloquently.

Dream omens

Yesterday during an afternoon nap, I had a rather disturbing dream and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Napping is always when I have the weird vivid dreams that bother me.

I dreamed I was at a medical appointment and was waiting in the doctor’s office to discuss results of tests of some type. I was happy, feeling good and joking around with the doctor when he came into the room. It never occurred to me that I would receive anything other than positive feedback, but the doctor suddenly became somber and informed me that I was gravely ill. He never said the words, but it was clearly implied that I would die soon.

The feeling I had in the dream is still with me. It was fear and disbelief. My mind searched for a way to grasp what I was being told. There was no way I could be dying from something like cancer or any other disease because I don’t believe in illness the same way many Western medical practitioners do. Still, for a moment I did believe and I felt helpless and without hope.

Eventually in the dream the doctor told me that the only way I could ever be healed was to go out into the world and convince everyone I meet that they are precious and loved. The doctor seemed to equate this task with a death sentence believing it impossible to accomplish such a thing, but the grief and fear I felt at the diagnosis immediately gave way to joy. I left the doctor’s office knowing not only was I not going to die soon, that I would never die because  my experience as a physical being is but a small part of who I am. I also knew that if anyone could make everyone in the world feel loved, it was me. The dream ended just as I was walking out into a sunny day, happy and smiling at the people I saw.

Even though the dream turned joyous at the end, my mind has repeatedly gone back to the part when the diagnosis was delivered and how for a very brief moment I believed what I was being told and felt I had no options. It was a horrible feeling.

I’m not entirely sure what the message of the dream really was I guess. It makes me wonder if I am being guided to evaluate my physical health, which is never a bad thing, or if it was just reinforcing that my desire to help people see how beautiful and loved they are is the right thing to do. Maybe a little of both?

There was definitely an overall message that love can heal anything. I believe this more strongly than I have ever believed anything.

All I can really do is be open to understanding what, if anything, I am being guided to do. In the meanwhile I’ll just keep trying to do the right things in life and maybe not take any more naps for a while.

Out of the darkness

“One thing that comes out of myths is that at the bottom of the abyss comes the voice of salvation. The black moment is the moment when the real message of transformation is going to come. At the darkest moment comes the light.” ~Joseph Campbell

 

Leave it to Joseph Campbell to deliver the truth clearly and concisely.

Part of the message I have hoped to convey with this blog is there is no reason to be afraid of darkness. None of the things most of us fear are real. They are boogeymen conjured from our own minds. Once faced, they seem to evaporate into thin air. It’s the process I have referred to as calling out demons, but it’s really the general struggle of the awakened life. It’s the part of the process that involves asking the great philosophical questions.

One of the scientists in the movie What the Bleep Do We Know? talks about science as being this trip down the rabbit hole in which one first goes down the rabbit hole, which is the hypothetical part and then comes out, which is checking the hypothesis rigorously using the scientific method. This is much like the spiritual/metaphysical/philosophical awakening process in which the mind’s boundaries are dissolved and all things become possible. When a person first sets out on this path it can feel like they are going crazy, i.e., down the rabbit hole, but then as you go along, you check your thoughts against external reality, which brings you out of the hole, out of the darkness and back into the light. And every time you do it, the light is brighter on the other side.

This is why I try to embrace all of life, even the darkest, most painful parts of human existence. If you are willing to go into the darkness and keep going, there is light on the other side. And it doesn’t matter what kind of darkness we’re talking about. From the most depraved behaviors to the deepest human suffering, if a person is willing to look at it unflinchingly without turning away, there is beauty to be found. And in every situation, no matter how painful or upsetting, there is something to be grateful for, I guarantee it. It takes a little work to sort through the garbage and find the blessing, but I promise you, it’s always there. It may be as fundamental as I am still here breathing through a situation that feels unbearable, but that is still something for which to give thanks.

We are all spiritual alchemists at varying levels of skill. And the only way to improve is to practice.

I appreciate Joseph Campbell’s words because the studies of mythology and metaphor are huge tools in the spiritual process. Stories help us guide our lives. Symbols help us understand vast amounts of information easily. And metaphor gives us a way to check our experiences against a bigger, more universal measuring stick. When we look to these examples, they bring hope and the knowledge that everything really is just fine. No matter what appears to be going on, there is an underlying truth that tells us it all works out in the end. Because it always does.

Writing from the heart

Blogging is complicated. I have been doing it seriously and religiously since the beginning of this year and have learned one very important thing: I never want to stop writing, ever.

When I started this blog about a year ago, I was totally ignorant of most of the technical and aesthetic aspects of blogging. A year later, better, but still no expert. I’ll get there.

Watching this blog develop slowly has been a great blessing. I can look back over my year and see what happened in my life and what and how I chose to share. This gives me insight into myself and my motivations.

I truly believe that choosing to heal one’s wounds publicly, if done in a helpful way, can help others heal as well.

In the coming year I intend to develop technical expertise and a clear sense of direction for this blog. Not that there is no place in the reading world for meandering, stream of consciousness writing. And that may be the way it turns out, we’ll see. My goal is to make it easier to read. I know what my basic message is–it’s about hope, joy, compassion, humor and love. Beyond that I just write whatever pops into my head. I rarely know more than a day in advance what I’ll be writing about.

I’m sure the answer to the question of direction lies somewhere in the middle. Being more organized never hurts, but it’s important to remain flexible. If I were to write only on scheduled, prescribed topics, it would take much of the joy out of the practice. And it likely wouldn’t sound much like the real me. Being able to pop open a computer and share the contents of my mind with the entire world is pretty great. I’m a better person for having written this blog, that much I know.

The other thing I know is that there is no need to rush to accomplish anything in particular, we have all the time in the world.

May the coming weeks and months bring clarity and the power of love to this blog. May I choose thoughts and words that will rain down blessings on us all. May I write from the purest place in my heart.

Amen

Fountain of youth

Sometimes the obvious comes to me as a flash of insight.

I was sitting here contemplating my face, my appearance and my age and it suddenly occurred to me why I am often told I look much younger than my chronological age. I smile a lot. I like smiling, it feels good. It is the natural physical expression of joy. Just as frowning is the natural physical expression of despair. Nothing we put on our skin can correct the thoughts that that express themselves on our faces.

As I was feeling the skin on my face, which is still remarkably firm and free of wrinkles, I realized that just like the rest of the body, the face is full of muscles. What happens to muscles when we don’t use them? They turn to flab. And that is what makes people look old.

Smiling uses most of the facial muscles. Doing it often keeps those muscles strong. Consider it a workout for your face.

Another interesting thing about smiling is it magically produces the very mental state it expresses, happiness. It’s nearly impossible not to feel happier when smiling. That’s what makes it a good cure for depression and I’m sure a variety of physical ills as well.

Smile therapy should be an area of scientific research if it is not already. There’s no way to know the depths of its healing powers unless we examine it.

Though I have been blessed with good hair and skin and I take decent care of myself, I believe the reason I look younger than my years is because I smile and ultimately, if you follow the logic, the attitudes and beliefs that produce those smiles.

Though my life is not perfect, I do have a very big advantage because I think young thoughts. My chosen perspective is one of love, joy, innocence, forgiveness and acceptance. The reason life’s struggles do not show on my face is because I keep the struggle to a minimum. Acknowledge it and let it go, whatever it is. This clears the path for the joyous thoughts that radiate from our faces when we think them. This is why children and babies smile so much, they can’t help it…they have happy thoughts most of the time.

Once I went on a date after which the guy said he felt sort of embarrassed because I smile so much and it made him realize he doesn’t. Since we only went out the one time and I have had minimal contact with him since, I have to wonder if that realization made any difference in his life. Did he find more reasons to smile? I hope so.

The world is a beautiful place filled with lovely people and things. It’s impossible to know that and not go around grinning and giggling.

Smile…and be young forever.

 

The meaning of success

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” ~Winston Churchill

In America, we often define success in terms of professional achievement and accumulation of material objects. With the economy the way it is and unemployment at such a high rate, it seems we need to find a new way to define success and we need to do it as quickly as possible. If we do not, it is my belief that we will prolong this recession or depression or whatever it is we are dealing with at this time. If we continue to define success in the ways we have, the result is that more people will feel like failures.

There was a time when I had the things that are currently missing from my life, a stable job and a committed relationship. Guess what? I wasn’t happy. The job was okay, until it wasn’t, but the marriage was like a millstone around my neck. Unhappiness was such a big part of my life that I didn’t even know what was causing it. The pervasive and all too familiar dissatisfaction was the result of a life spent wishing things were other than how they actually were. That and identifying too strongly with societal norms. Looking at life this way makes it very difficult to figure out the cause of one’s own suffering.

In my attempts to be happy and to make something out of my life, I left the job and the marriage and pursued an education instead. I don’t regret the schooling, but it hasn’t provided the financial and professional stability that I thought it would, so in that sense, it’s just something cool I did for myself.

Like so many others in this country, I have had difficulty finding steady employment in my field. I find myself taking jobs that have little to do with my education or experience. What does that say about me? What does that say about any of us?

I am not the only person in America with an advanced degree who has had to accept menial work to keep money coming in. I’ve read stories of people with master’s and doctorate level degrees working for $10 an hour. It happens. Does this make those people unsuccessful?

Most of the time I am able to look at the bigger picture and see that my job does not define me. Neither does my relationship status. But the truth is, there are days when I feel like I have failed to live up to the minimum standard of the so-called American Dream. And I suppose by some people’s definition of success, I have.

Reaching the point of looking at my life and wondering what happened, how I got here and how I’m going to get myself out of the mess I have made, I find myself faced with a couple of choices–give up or find another way of looking at things. For me, giving up is not an option.

One of my friends was telling me about the breakup of his last relationship. He said his girlfriend stopped paying her bills, including her rent, but never told him what was going on. He finally found out about it and asked her what was up. It sounds like even she didn’t really know, but she explained that she couldn’t do it anymore so she just stopped. Stopped doing  the things society expected of her, like paying her bills and communicating with her partner. Soon after they had this conversation she disappeared from his life.

There is a level on which I understand this woman’s behavior. There are times when I want to let it all go. Admittedly those are the times when I feel overwhelmed, which is something I suspect my friend’s ex-girlfriend was feeling, though likely for different reasons than I do at times.

Sometimes the events of life bring me back to the basics of wondering why I am here and how to measure my success. I don’t have many of the material things I used to have and yet overall I am not less happy than I was when I had the things I used to believe were the ingredients of a successful life. In fact, most days I am much more happy.

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

We need a new way of looking at things, a new yardstick by which to measure success. It is my belief that doing so will bring about healing and recovery from what this country has been through the past few years and will shine a light where it needs to be shone, at the ones who have perpetuated the false image that is called the American Dream.

How to be grateful

Times are tough in the world right now. There are a lot of people suffering all over the planet in a variety of different ways. How does one maintain a sense of gratitude while surrounded by so much unhappiness?

Gratitude–an ingredient necessary for living a truly happy life and yet elusive at the very times it is most needed. Gratitude is one of those things that requires focus and intent, it does not appear to come naturally to most people. It has to be worked at. Difficult at times, yes. Impossible, no.

Gratitude is one of my most powerful spiritual tools. When things do not feel good, it is time to start counting blessings. And yet, for many people, those are the times when the blessings are hard to count…because they become obscured, by life.

Being grateful for seemingly negative things can transform those very things into positives. Challenges become blessings. There is more than one way to look at every single thing that happens to us. Sometimes we desire something so much and then when we get it we find that it does not bring the pleasure we expected of it. Conversely, there are times when things happen which seem negative that turn out to be for the best. Accepting all of what life offers with an open and grateful heart brings what the Bible calls the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding.

I have experienced peace in some of the most difficult moments of my life. Those are moments of pure grace. Gratitude is the path to that place of peace. Anyone can find it.

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.” ~Wayne Dyer

Being grateful is not about a perfect life. It is an appreciation for life itself in all its messed up glory.

Sometimes when I’m in pain I give thanks for the painful body part. If my hand hurts, I can still be grateful to have a hand.

In any given moment grace abounds. It’s there for anyone who wishes to see it. There is beauty all around us all the time. All we have to do is stop for a moment and take it all in. It is the gift from the universe to us.

How does one create a more grateful outlook? Here are a few ideas:

• Keep a gratitude journal–Writing down lists of things to be grateful for is a powerful practice that keeps one’s focus on the positive in life rather than the negative.
• Say thank you–Make a point to thank people for kindnesses large and small. Doing this makes it easier to notice when someone has been kind to you.
• Transform complaints into blessings–If your job is frustrating, be thankful you have a job to be frustrated with; if your feet hurt, be glad you have feet. And so on.
• Meditate–Focus on the words thank you, use them as a mantra. You’ll be surprised at the result of this practice.

These are some of the things I do in my own life to keep a positive attitude and an open, grateful heart. That is not to say my attitude is always positive, I react to things just like anyone. But what I do have is the tools to recognize the hidden blessings in life’s apparent difficulties. As a result I am able to live a happy life no matter what is going on around me.

And for that I am extremely grateful.

 

 

Mindful toilet cleaning

As I have many times confessed, my life becomes chaotic at times and I lose sight of the things that make me feel better. Things like meditation and mindful awareness of the present moment. When I feel overwhelmed by information or rapid changes in my life, sometimes I start trying to focus on too many things at once. All the things that need my attention compete for time.

When I have many things on my mind at once, none of it gets any quality attention, there are these half-assed attempts to meditate and to settle down and let the answers come to me. And I feel wound up because I know I’m spinning my wheels.

One thing I have learned over the years is that I never really figure anything out, not the big stuff anyway. The most productive way for me to deal with the questions life presents is to be still and silent and quiet my mind. The answers just come in those moments. There’s no figuring anything out, it all just starts to make sense.

Focusing attention on only one thing at a time helps too.  That is the problem with letting life run me rather than me running my life. When I’m trying to figure out too many things at once, my attention gets spread out and the amount of attention I am able to pay to any one thing is small and weak. Not enough to accomplish anything.

And then there is the stuff I can’t do anything about. But the thoughts intrude anyway. Anything that has to do with figuring out the behavior of another person is a waste of my time and I wish to stop that kind of merciless, torturous thinking.

“If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying.” ~Shantideva

Something I find interesting is how one’s physical world reflects one’s state of mind. When I am calm my surroundings tend to be neat and organized, which leads to even more feelings of peace and calm. As soon as my mind starts running in several different directions like a pack of wild horses, my bedroom and the rest of my home become cluttered and messy. Not dirty, just not tidy. Once that slips away from me for a day or two, it begins to also feel overwhelming and then my surroundings look much the way my mind feels.

My moment of clarity came today while cleaning the bathroom. I was fully present while I was cleaning. I was reminding myself to stay in the present moment and I was aware of each thing I was doing. There was a tremendous sense of peace that came with it. It reinforces my belief that NOW is the only moment that truly exists. NOW is where transformation happens. NOW is where the present moment meets eternity. And when you are here, you can feel the power. 

The past several days my mind has been in the past sort of failing to accept how things have unfolded, and in the future, trying to will things the way I wish for them to go. When I finally wake back up and recognize the futility of what I am doing, then I am able to bring everything back to the present, where there is never anything to worry about. In any given moment, if I’m here, breathing, heart beating, I’m fine. The moment those things cease…still fine.

I’m grateful for quiet moments and life’s little responsibilities that help remind me that the only thing that is important is right now and what I do with it. And it always boils down to the same question: Do I want to put more love and peace into the world or more fear, worry and chaos?

I think the answer is obvious.

Tough love

The words tough love came up recently related to the reaction I received to some information I shared. It got me thinking about what it means when people use that phrase. I feel much the same about it as I feel about people being proud of their ability to be brutally honest. Some people think that brutal honesty is a virtue. I disagree.

“People who are brutally honest get more satisfaction out of the brutality than out of the honesty.”  ~Richard  J. Needham

Tough love is an oxymoron in my opinion. Love is gentle, there is nothing tough about it. Real love anyway.

As I have written previously, one of my goals is to speak the truth in love. It is my belief that the truth should only be offered from a place of love. I try never to tell people things about themselves with any intention other than to bless and uplift. If I feel judgmental, which I can tell by the negative feelings it brings up, I try to remain silent. If I feel self-righteous, which I can also tell because it comes with a creepy feeling of self-satisfaction that is coarse and ugly, I try to remain silent. If I feel morally, intellectually, or in any other way superior, I try to remain silent. The moment I think that some other person is an idiot or any variation of that kind of frustration, I know it’s time to focus on myself and not them. I do not chastise people and I do not feel the need to force my perception of the truth on anyone because my view of the truth is just that, my view. Nobody has all the facts about another person, so it can be extremely misguided and short-sighted to think it’s possible to have the answers to another person’s problems.

This is why I write this blog from the perspective I do, my own experiences. I try to let other people be and focus my energy on learning my own lessons. I share with the hope that my life experiences and observations about them will help others going through similar things. To the degree I fail to do that, or even worse, when I write out of self-pity, I fail to fulfill the purpose for this blog.

I appreciate honesty and I can handle it however it shows up, but when it is given gently, it is much easier for me to receive the message than if it comes wrapped in judgment and assumptions. I do not believe I am unique that way. Nobody likes to be told they’re wrong, especially in a haughty, self-righteous, judgmental way. Think about it. How do we really reach an accurate judgment about another person when we don’t have every single one of the facts (hint: it’s impossible)? The only way is through assumptions. And since there is no concrete truth behind assumptions, any judgments that arise from them are inherently flawed.

In the most practical sense it seems to me that communicating with kindness is a matter of efficiency. What’s the point of sharing your thoughts and words if your intended audience cannot receive them? As for me, if I am given a gift wrapped in garbage, I will still unwrap it, but it might take me a lot longer to recognize it as a gift than if I am given just the gift itself.

It’s good to be truthful. It’s good to be helpful. It’s even better when it can be done with kindness, compassion and grace. The ones who are able to deliver the truth gently are the true peacemakers of the world.

If you cannot communicate with kindness, whatever you have to say is not important enough to be shared. That is my opinion. But it is just that, my opinion. You get to have yours too and it is equally valid.

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” ~HH Dalai Lama